The 13 Greatest Cats in Video Game History

July 30, 2013, 6:40 pm

≫ Next: Top 10 Greatest Crossovers in Video Game History

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Kitties! Here is this list of the greatest cats, cat women and even cat men in video games. Be sure to also check out Top 5 Gaming: Cats! over on Metacafe. I have no idea why I wrote the following list. I think the event involved a lot of booze, some sort of hallucinogen, and a possibly a misdemeanor. I'm not really sure as I can't remember much of the last week. This is probably just an excuse to put the Cheetahmen onto a list. Anyway, enjoy it while I go get myself a lawyer.

Check out more lists like Luxury Goods Sites, List of Deaths Through Alcohol, Famous People Who Died in Plane Crashes, Jared Leto Tattoos and Kelly Osbourne Tattoos
http://www.ranker.com/list/the-13-greatest-cats-in-video-game-history/adamthomas,

Ratchet ( Ratchet and Clank)
OK, the only reason Ratchet is this low is that technically he's an alien.

He's a VERY Bobcat like alien called a "Lombax". While "Lombax" sound like it belongs in a Dr. Seuss story about the racist fears of your parents (Guess Which Lombax is coming to Dinner?), he's actually pretty capable. Ratchet has a degree in in f*ture engineering, wields some pretty nasty weapons and hangs around with his little robot buddy while saving the universe.

Sure, Ratchet started out as a fairly annoying, whiny, Furtard in the original game, but by the sequel, Going Commando , he actually turned into a character that could be easily liked, and seemed very competent. I think he developed into a pretty cool guy. eh kills aleins and doesnt afraid of anything...

So while it was Captain Quark or Clank who usually stole the show as the series progressed, it was Ratchet we played as the most, and who often had the best guns.

For being the straight-man to so many great jokes, appearing in some very polished and fun little games, and being the hero to so many a planet . . . Ratchet, we salute thee!

Now get yourself on dancing with stars man! With those moves you'll be famous!
Black Cat (Spider-Man 2/Web of Shadows)
I REALLY wanted to put Catwoman on this list. The one from the DC universe. Like seriously. Because it was she that pretty much got me on this whole mental tangent.

But you see there's a pretty big problem: Catwoman has yet to make a decent video game appearance. I mean, her big starring role in her own game was the Halle Berry Catwoman movie tie-in.

Not so hot there.

"But what about Mortal Combat Versus the DC Universe?" you might ask . . .

To which I would reply," BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA . . . HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HeheheheheheheeheeheeheehahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! . . . ooh wait, you were serious?! "

I guess that's a step in the right direction, but it's still a long way from "good". Sure, her upcoming appearance in Arkham Asylum 2 might end up changing the notion, but for now, if you want to see a decent cat burglar based off of a comic book character wearing black leather, you're going to have to settle for Black Cat.

Though, I hardly think going for Black Cat would be considered settling, if you're anyone BUT Spider-Man, who seems knee-deep in Super-Models with daddy issues about three times a year.

Felicia Hardy is the actual name of the girl in the black leather using grappling hooks and thw world's most dangerous press-on nails, but wait . . . Felicia? Really? Methinks, Marvel may have a lawsuit with Capcom, or at least would if they weren't so busy partnering up for crossover games that make them both tons of money. Hmm, maybe it's an homage from Capcom?

Anyway, she's a Catwoman knock-off, and for a time even had cool bad luck powers, not to mention she's pretty much the only reason to play Spider-Man Web of Shadows and is a big reason to play Spider-Man 2: The Movie: The Game (yes that's it's actual title, so now you know where I Wanna Be the Guy got it from). Her sub-plot in Spidey 2 was actually based off of early drafts of the script of the movie and it turns into a very entertaining storyline for the game. In fact it's a shame they cut her from the film, it would have been nice to see her make an appearance on the silver screen.

As for Web of Shadows, (featured in the attached video) she's pretty damn awesome. She's the first major boss battle and is featured heavily throughout the rest of the game . . . if you choose to hang with her at her tower. You eventually have to fight her again, when she's a new symbiote version of herself, and at least two of the game's four endings are determined by your choices regarding Peter Parker's feelings for his feline flame.

Plus she's played by Tricia Helfer! Otherwise known as Caprica Six from BSG! Otherwise known as the only woman actually hot enough to play Black Cat in any f*ture film that will feature her!

So maybe it's good she wasn't used in Spider-Man 2 after all. Maybe now we can see Ms. Helfer don the fringed leather and domino mask and . . .

*falls into purring trance over the mental image*
Cait Sith (Final Fantasy Series)
First off, I was going to originally put Red XII on the list.


Because I mean, look at him!

Sure, while his body screams wolf, his face always seemed to me, way more cat-like, and he's a made-up creature anyway. Plus his tail is on fire and he talks, both facts that make him awesome. But then a friend of mine was all," Naw Bro. He's a dog yo." And then I was like "Really?" and then he was like "Yeah." and then I looked it up, and I hate the internet for proving him right.

CURSE YOU!!!!!!

So I had to think of something else really fast, and then get back to drinking and writing. Two activities which do mix together very well . . . unless you are driving as well. Then LOOK OUT FOR THAT TREE!

Anyway, if there's another Cat worth a damn in Final Fantasy, it's probably Cait Sith.

"But he's not a cat! He's a dude dressed in a cat suit riding a robot moogle!"

Correction. He's a dude remotely controlling a PUPPET of a cat riding a robot Moogle. But . . . even for a game featuring a race of Tiger-wolves that are allergic to soft potion, this seems pretty ridiculous to me. I think it's all a clever diversion of Cat Sith, aka Cat Sidhe, the Celtic fairy cat he actually is.

Why?

Well it would explain his appearance in Final Fantasy 6 as the summon Stray.

It would also explain his magical f**king ability to damage you with the result of dice rolls. As well as explain his Scottish accent in both Advent Children and Dirge of Cerberus. Also it works equally as well to explain the time he goes and sacrifices himself in FF7, I mean as a cat-ghost-god he'd have at the least those nine lives right?

OK, so that might be just as ridiculous as the given story for Cait Sith, but as the game series' foremost representation of cats it might have to do.

Also, look at the cute little cape he's wearing! And that crown! Adorable!
Snowflake (Dead Rising 2)
I think it's time for a REAL cat to get on here. But which one . . . *processing*

*ding!*

OK yeah, Snowflake wins.

In the recent Dead Rising 2, you found yourself controlling Chuck Greene as Las Ve- I mean Fortune City was destroyed by a zombie outbreak. Fortune City has all of the entertainments one would expect of a gambler's paradise, including rock bands, lounge singers, 24-hour chapels, and even Magicians! Of course, where there are flamboyant magicians, there are bound to be tigers! Snowflake is just such a tiger.

You meet Snowflake after his handler Ted knocks Chuck out and attempts to feed the rampaging motocross star to the ravenous animal, since all of the Zombie's meat "isn't fresh". Though Mr. Greene tries to reason with Ted, it's to no avail, and soon enough you've got an armed semi-retarded animal handler, a 600-pound wild animal, and still a s**t-ton of Zombies all gunning for your delicious meats at the same time.

It's a pretty awesome boss battle. But it get's a little bit better.

You see, if you've been paying attention, you realize that Snowflake isn't really all that interested in killing you, the poor baby's just hungwy. So, look around some nearby kitchens for some food and feed it to him, and soon enough he's purring at your side.

That's right, Snowflake will then proceed to wander around with you as your companion. And it. Is. Amazing.

Getting drunk and raining death around Fortune city with your motherf**king tiger is pretty much too cool for words. Which is why when I was playing this game I often ended up resorting to audible nonsense: I was enraptured in awesome levels too high for most normal men.

Oh, and you can even give Snowflake to Chuck's Daughter as a present. Sooooo cute!

Irresponsible as all hell considering she's like 10, and yet another strong indicator that the universe wants Katie Greene dead, but cute nonetheless.
Evil The Cat (Earthworm Jim)
Why did I not put Evil the cat at number six? It's a bit too obvious really.

Ruler of the planet Heck, which in no way resembles hell for legal reasons, Evil the Cat is the purrrfect example of how to make a cat a villain while still retaining their cattiness.

The level he appears in is pretty damn annoying, and you have to navigate a bunch of crap to reach this bitched. Then, when you do, he cheats! He takes away your super suit, leaving you as a Worm who can only jump around like a pogo stick, while he fires flaming hairballs at you from a secure location. If this boss battle wasn't so damn easy (seriously, you just jump the fire) I'd call shenanigans on this darn cat.

Once you dodge all his fire, it destroys his platform and you again get access to Jim's super suit. Then you proceed to completely work your way through Evil's nine lives while he tries to jump you from off-screen.

Such a petty, nasty, cheating boss.

But even with all his lives gone, Evil the Cat continues to show up. He pesters you in Earthworm Jim 2, and had a very memorable turn on the old Earthworm Jim cartoon show.

But really it's his side-stepping, flanking, backstabbing, pouncing methods that get Evil here. Because that's exactly how a cat fights damn it!

Also, his hairball are made of fire. That's got to be worth something.
Leo (Red Earth)
OK probably no one reading this list knows who the hell this is. Nor do I think many of you have even heard of this game, but seriously, just watch the video and understand. Especially once you realize that in the first stage, this guys cuts a dragon . . . IN HALF.

Leo from Red Earth is Conan the Motherf**king Barbarian if his mom was Egyptian Goddess Bast, and his dad was Mike Haggar.

Leo is a beast of a fighter, a king, and cursed into a form that just makes him even more awesome. He fights for justice, wielding only a sword, hefting only a buckler, and wearing only a loincloth. He needs little else.

He would eat Lion-O from Thundercats for breakfast, and then bang Cheetara just so the rest of the Thunderan population would have his race of God-King-cats to remember him by. If he met, the Na'vi, he'd conquer them outside a week. If he came to our world, I'm pretty sure he would only seek out women who could kill cyborgs, and then make them fall in desperate love with him.


Which, as this picture proves, he did in the 80's.

But of course, he comes from an unknown game that was pretty much ignored by the world's population, and only made another brief appearance in SVC Chaos a few years later. We're probably never going to see Leo again.

I don't think he cares though, the man's got a kingdom to run and ogres to slay.

Also, probably a badass ball of razor-yarn to play with in his off time.

What? He's still a cat.
Katt Monroe (Starfox 64)
So you're playing through Starfox 64, and you aren't a total newbie, so you followed Falco on Corneria and decimated the armada at Sector Y. This means that after you deal with the clam-bake on Aquas, you'll end up in Zoness and . . .

Wait! What's that?

Theme music? What the hell . . .

But it's so catchy! Do do do doo, dah duh dah doo, bah bum buh boo! Do do do doo, dah duh dah doo, bah bum buh boo! Duuuhhhn-uh!

Yeah, that's Katt Monroe's frigging theme music! Oh, and she's actually pretty useful for a guest pilot in a game! If you get through to Sector Z, she takes out one of those blasted missiles pretty much by herself, and if you end up on Macbeth, she actually flips a bunch of those stupid switches you need to hit to kill the boss faster than Speedy Gonzales hopped up on meth-cheese.

At the very least, she's a billion times better than Bill Grey, that bulldog you meet on Katina. That mofo's impossible to please, he's all;

"Nice going, Fox. . . . " *in a tone filled with implied arrogance over your inability to f**king know the difference between his squadron's ships and the enemies in the level who look EXACTLY THE SAME from any decent range!*

Yeah F**k you too Bill! Last time I go to your planet and save your ass from invading flying saucers!

I'll stick with Katt thank you very much. Besides, how many space-cats are there that can fly starships?



Umm. OK, But how many ALSO have theme music when they enter to save the day?

...

That's what I thought.
Felicia (Darkstalkers)
Felicia is the definitive Cat-Woman in videogames. You think "Cat" and you think "Woman" and stick them in a context of "video game" and BOOM! Felicia comes up. If it's an image search, probably there's some hentai in there. If it's on Youtube, you're bound to see way too many "tribute" video featuring the Darkstalker's tail section. Probably none of it will feature hairballs.

Also available on youtube when combined with Felicia? AMVs, like this . And hilarious examples of why the US should never, ever, ever, attempt to outdo Japanese animation with a Japanese franchise like Darkstalkers, as seen here .

So Felicia's obviously pretty popular if she became the main character in a terrible spin-off cartoon that had absolutely no budget for writers or animators. But who is she really?

Well, she's from the Darkstalkers (or is it Vampire?) fighting game series. She was raised in an orphanage, and she's a catgirl who wants to become famous. Yup, that's it. No terribly deep back story filled with pathos and inner turmoil and a reason to fight off every demon she encounters whatsoever. She's pretty much just eye candy without much depth. So why is she so damn popular? Even so much as appearing in the soon to be epic Marvel VS Capcom 3?

She's a furry fanboy's wet dream!

Combining all of the sexuality of a spunky, precocious woman, and . . . cat. OK, maybe there actually isn't ENOUGH fur on her for those guys and gals who prefer such things, I think? I mean it's really hard to tell. Is Felicia a litmus test of sorts? If she turns you on, are you normal, or totally going to Cleveland in a fuzzy body suit next year?


Even if said body suit wouldn't exactly be all that bad . . .

Plus, is Felicia even a real "catwoman"? I mean sure, she's described as such, and looks the part, but is that even a real thing?

The Dark Stalkers/Vampire Hunter/Night Warrior series (seriously, they need to settle on a name), is full of various monsters and myths that generally have some resemblance to CLASSIC myths and monsters. There's a mummy, a werewolf, a Frankenstein-like golem, a cursed suit of armor, a zombie, a succubus, and a vampire. All of these are classics and instantly recognizable, or at least fit into the context, and a huge chunk of them are basically Universal Monsters direct off the studio tour.

But a Cat person? Sure it's big in Japan (what isn't?) but it really doesn't have the same history or pedigree as anything else in the first game. I often wonder if Felicia isn't actually a completely crazy fangirl dressing up as a monster in order to get attention. That explanation would fit into her back story (if not her movelist), just as well as the nebulous "she's a cat girl!" explanation she actually has.

Plus that explanation would make her a lot more like Catwoman, but WAY more crazy. But hell, I'd prefer Felicia as our standard of Crazy Cat lady to this one:


Cougars! (Red Dead Redemption)
So, let's see, we've had cat-people characters from fighting games, a couple of bosses, a main character in the form of Ratchet, some side characters, and at least one character whose status as a cat is in question . . . what are we missing?

How about a regular enemy entry? Well I can think of none better than those damn cougars from Red Dead Redemption!

Just watch the attached video, I think it pretty much makes my point for me.

Or if you don't have the time or are afraid of video clips or something after being rick rolled one to many times, let me put it this way; the Cougars in RDR are f**king bastards.

Usually they appear out of the mists of time itself, or at least seem to, since by the time you manage to spot them, they're charging you at apparently 3000 miles and hour, and yeah, your horse is now dead.

Better catch them on their circling attack or pretty soon it's a claw to the jugular vein. Time to turn on that dead eye! And whew that was close!

God, I hope there's never a day when these assholes come back as undead beasts of fury, that require a direct headshot to put down! Have you seen how fast they move? A direct headshot would be a hassle, even in Dead Eye!

Yup thank the lord for small favors . . .



OH DEAR LORD WHY?!
Koban Cat and his Ninja Cat Army (The Legend of the Mystical Ninja)
The Mystical Ninja Series, and especially the first game in it, is filled to the fricking brim with cats.

There's are lucky cat item pick-ups, Lucky Cats in the backgrounds, and a summonable Tiger mount that simply wrecks things when you pull it out of Goemon's pocket just to name a few.

But If I have to go with one cat from this game, I think I'll go with Koban . . . and his NINJA CAT ARMY!

Charged with protecting Japan from its wackiest threats, like a troupe of evil mimes that live near Octopus island, or plate spinning ghosts, I'll bet the cat army was doing pretty good for itself. Until a new threat arrived, that figured out how to stop them - by keeping them as cats!

It seems the Cat Army was mostly effective because they were shapeshifters, and the evil Otafu Army decided that in order to kidnap princess Yuki, they had to disable this ability of theirs. And well, they were right, since it's pretty easy to tie up a cute widdle kitty, but not so much if it can go Altered Beast on your ass.

Which is why Edo period stoner Goemon/Kid Ying (seriously, why do you think he keeps that pipe?), has to team up with his pudgy pal Ebisumaru/Dr. Yang, and traipse around Japan and save all the kittens . . . and a princess or something.

So yeah, these guys have to be pretty ineffectual, otherwise this game never even gets off the ground . . but just think about it: A deadly army of shapeshifting Cat Ninjas! That would be pretty unstoppable. It's a good thing they're on our side, at least until we run out of tuna . . . then we're screwed.

So yeah, more awesome in theory than in practice, but hey, still awesome.

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Top 10 Greatest Crossovers in Video Game History

May 9, 2013, 5:53 am

≫ Next: 14 Actually Amazing Video Game Movie Fan Trailers

≪ Previous: The 13 Greatest Cats in Video Game History

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A crossover is when one character from one storyline enters the storyline of another; be it from game to game, cartoon to game, movie to game, etc. Whatever the situation may be, they often come off as cheesy and like marketing ploys. Inspired by the 4th item on this list, here are the 10 best, most seamless, and exciting crossovers in video game history.
http://www.ranker.com/list/top-10-greatest-crossovers-in-video-game-history/the-doctor,

Dead or Alive 4
Nicole, the first female Spartan solider - HALO

Not to be outdone on an amazing crossover in a fighting game, Tecmo decided to up the ante and give the world the first female spartan from the HALO universe in the form of Nicole. Although she is not tied directly to any Halo storyline, Nicole is a female spartan from the f*ture trapped in the present. Team Ninja originally wanted the Master Chief, but Microsoft said no. Graciously, though, they allowed Bungie to create Spartan 458 for the Xbox 360 release of the game.

Not QUITE yet, ladies... not QUITE yet....
Dead Rising
Dead Rising was a lot of people's primary reason for actually picking up an XBox 360 back in the day. It's basically a game where you're stuck in a mall during a zombie apocalypse and you have to survive through 3 days. And no, you don't get to curl up into a fetal position. You have to do all kinds of stuff, kill all kinds of zombies and live through various attacks from the undead and even from the living.

If you kill 60,000 zombies, and jump through a bunch of other hoops for this game (how to jump through these hoops: http://ow.ly/1FoNm ), though, you can unlock something AWESOME... the Mega Man armor.

That's right, you can comb through zombies in a realistic (for the time) zombie apocalypse, while in a mall using Mega Man's armor and yes, even his blaster.

Fast forward to 00:28 to see the glory of the blaster unleashed on the undead.

Why Mega Man? Because Keiji Inafune, designer of Mega Man, also designed Dead Rising.
Kingdom Hearts
Who knew that placing Disney characters in a Final Fantasy universe would work so well? Well, apparently Disney and Square Enix did. This is easily one of the most touching, epic and engaging games of all time and definitely the best, smoothest and most seamless integration of characters from different games into one -- making this the best video game crossover of all time.

One of the main reasons this story is so engaging is because you're doing it for a girl. A romantic plot always brings a certain cinematic quality to any game. Every objective means more and every time you level up it's to protect someone else; namely to protect a girl you've always loved. You've had this person in your heart for your entire life, then just as things start to pan out for you, the world starts to fall apart.

So what's the best solution for this? Save the world, the girl and all your friends in between. How are you going to do this? With the help of your new friends Donald and Goofy. Together, you will go through the various worlds that are also in danger of falling apart to try and save everything from complete destruction.

This includes various Disney movies, through which you will meet all your favorite Disney characters. They're not thrown in as arbitrary cameos, but as people (or animals) who happen to have a firm grasp on their world. Whatever you're there to find, you will find it because of them. This game doesn't just bring some of your favorite characters to life, it puts them in an impossible situation with YOU (Sora), and you have to save everyone with their help.

If you haven't played Kingdom Hearts yet, it's because you're either dead or you have some (perfectly understandable) prejudice against Disney. If this is the case, then please make an exception to play one of the most epic game series ever -- even if it is for the PS2.

With Donald and Goofy at your side, you fight both Cloud and Sephiroth and it doesn't feel silly. It works. Which is amazing. You also run into Cid, Yuffie, and a still-living Aeris. Thank your game loving stars that Disney Interactive and Square Enix had offices in the same building. An elevator conversation got this epic ball rolling.

Along with one of the earliest, most inspiring intros ever, Kingdom Hearts does not pull any punches when it comes to bringing you into the story, and universe, forever.
Mario Kart Arcade GP
PAC-MAN, BABY.

Mario Kart in and of itself is a goldmine of crossover goodness. In fact, it started an entire Mario universe game trend. While we may hate the Mario Party end of that trend, it also gave us this gem of an arcade game.

And since the arcade version was co-developed by NAMCO, guess what giant yellow orb is a playable racer? That's, right Pac-Man gets in on the Mario Kart glory.

It's only a little awkward when you see a chomp chomp and wonder, "is that a relative of his?"
Marvel vs. Capcom series
Arguably the fastest and easily one of the greatest and most revered fighting games ever, Marvel vs Capcom 2 is really the belle of the ball of this series. The other games, (including the upcoming Marvel vs. Capcom 3... trailer to your left) incorporate characters from two different mediums to fight against each other in ways that somehow make sense.

You choose a team of three from the screen, having the choice between characters from various Capcom games and any popular Marvel superheroes that are available. You go up against another team of three in a game that revolves around counterattacks, special attacks and never, EVER blinking. This is easily one of the more intense games you'll ever play if you're playing someone at your same skill level. You can play this game for so long you'll end up playing about 36 matches in a row without even noticing.

How do they account for any realism? Well, they don't even try. They just have everyone make the moves you want them to make, so that the game is so fun you end up just trying to win instead of being bogged down by the fact that Thanos bringing a freaking comet down to hit B.B. Hood wouldn't OBLITERATE the girlie with the guns.

I mean, sure, Captain America would wipe the FLOOR with Dan, but it doesn't hinder someone with insane Dan skills from feeding you your ass. This game relies so heavily on skill, that the best players can choose a mediocre character and still wipe the floor with the rest of us.
Soulcalibur
00:54 for the teaser.

The Soul Calibur series has always had great gameplay mechanics, stunning art, and well-handled sword play that has always set it apart from other fighters. Starting with the home versions of Soul Calibur II, NAMCO made characters outside the Soul Calibur universe available for gameplay.

While it was cool to play as Heihachi on the PS2, and Spawn seemed oddly at home in the X-box version, the addition of The Legend of Zelda's Link made the Gamecube release of the game a must-own.

Namco's vision of Link was truly inspired and we desperately wanted to play a Zelda game with THAT Link. We got our wishes when the character model for Twilight Princess was incredibly similar to SC2's.

How do you top Link and Spawn? Well, you cosy up to Lucas Arts. Yoda and Darth Vader join the Soul Calibur crew for some swordplay in Soul Calibur IV. It's a little difficult to buy/love the Soul Calibur storyline, but damn if Yoda didn't fit perfectly into the visual aesthetic of the game. Darth Vader's apprentice from The Force Unleashed is also now a playable character.
Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars
She's not a playable character, but the coolest treat of Super Mario RPG is Samus Aran (from the Metroid series) appearing in the Bowser Castle's guest house.

Super Mario RPG was Square's wonderful endeavor to bring Mario into the RPG realm.

While chatting it up with Samus Aran from Metroid (hot), she tells you she's "resting up for Mother Brain."

*chills*

As an additional treat, you get Link sleeping in the bed next to yours after a battle.

The entire Nintendo universe has really great cameos/crossovers, and they're an absolute *James Lipton voice* DELIGHT every single time.
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
You're either obsessed with this game and love it, or you're new to it, have tried to play it and have gotten PWNed HARD by someone you know (who is obsessed with this game and loves it).

This fighting game has incredible balance and unbelievable gameplay, making this one of the most competitive games you'll ever see someone play. The fact that it's a crossover game isn't even something that people see as a cheesy drawback, it's part of its assets.

Seamlessly making fights between Mario and Starfox or Kirby and Pikachu seem feasible, this game brings the crossover to a whole new level.

Much like Super Smash Bros for the 64, this game piles on the characters from the Nintendo universe to include people like Link, Ash Ketchum, Kid Icarus, and even unexpected surprise characters like Jigglypuff (who actually kicks all kinds of ass). We're still waiting on Captain N making an appearance, though. God damn was that cartoon awesome.

Oh, and here's a video all of the Super Smash Bros. Brawl SMASHES. Awesome.

The best part: Solid Snake, the gun toting soldier from Metal Gear Solid, fights off comically cute Nintendo Characters. The game is a smorgasbord of crossovers, from Kirby to Pikachu, but the addition of Solid Snake was a stroke of genius. Complete with cardboard box for hiding from Samus Aran.

Viewtiful Joe
One of Capcom's stranger crossovers is in Viewtiful Joe, where you can unlock a mission, on PS2, for Devil May Cry hero Dante.

This is probably the only game that let's you see Dante in his boxer shorts. The stylized animation and control scheme for the game gave you a fun hyper-kinetic gaming experience and playing as Dante was a treat for all the Devil May Cry fans out there. There aren't TOO many of us out there, but we grow stronger every day. Much like Dante's abs in this game.
Super Mario Bros. 8-Bit Crossover
Here's the link to the game: http://www.boredville.com/32177/Super-Mario-Crossover-Game

One of the most instantly-classic crossover games we've ever played, and something everyone should really make the time to play through, this Super Mario Bros 8-Bit crossover game is one of the best things to ever happen to us. The inspiration for this list, an a dream come true, it's an amazing game, and a total Geekgasm.

You can play through levels of the NES Super Mario Bros. as other 8-bit characters like Mega Man, Samus, Link, and the main guy from Contra.

The best part of this game is that these characters aren't just skins for Mario, they are all playable as they are in their original games.

That's right, Link throws boomerangs and uses a sword, Samus rolls up into a ball and lays bombs, the guy from Contra shoots a gun and crouches army-style -- and this is just the beginning. Easily one of the flash games we've ever played, we will be telling people about this and sharing it for years to come.

Best character to play as = Bill. Why? Mostly because the fact that what's happening in the picture to the left happens.

Game developed by http://www.exploding-rabbit.com/

14 Actually Amazing Video Game Movie Fan Trailers

May 17, 2013, 12:13 pm

≫ Next: Top 8 Rebound Relationships in Video Game History

≪ Previous: Top 10 Greatest Crossovers in Video Game History

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With this week's release of that brilliant indie-dramedy looking God of War trailer, here are the 13 most memorable video game MOVIE fan trailers ever made, from a Zelda, Tetris, and a Pac-Man movie, to a movie about Paperboy, to a perfect adaptation of Monkey Island.
http://www.ranker.com/list/14-actually-amazing-video-game-movie-fan-trailers/john-barryman,

God of War
What if Wes Andersen took the concept of one of the most outcast, daddy-issued characters in video game history and made a movie of the human version of him, with all the quirk we all love (and sometimes hate) in an indie comedy?

This video is your answer.

Hit the jump for the video itself. Many of us don't go out to see many of these indie dramedies anymore, cause really we've seen them all. But this is something we'd legitimately like to see finished.

The quirk of the movie lies in the idea that the fact that they're all Gods is a metaphor. Any weirdness, quirkyness or innate character flaws of any of the people in this movie come from the fact that they are just that type of God and that is their personality.

It speaks wonders of the human condition and volumes of the people who made it. Sure, a REAL God of War movie would be great, but making it unlike Clash of the Titans and meaningful is not exactly something we'd trust Hollywood with. So, we should probably have this movie instead.
Halo: Combat Evolved
This was kind of a no-brainer, Halo WAS almost a movie. Halo was almost a movie made by PETER JACKSON. Halo also has some GREAT live-action trailers for their games that this particular person used to intersplice with what they shot.

This would probably be an unbelievably epic beginning to a Halo movie.

It's a series of old soldiers recalling the Halo war and why they made it through. They look back and they remember that they made it because of Master Chief.

A documentarian takes these old UNSC soldiers through a museum, recalling the wars as they told stories of how they made it through.

They all had one thing to say: Chief.

This trailer not only makes you want to see the movie TONIGHT, but shows you how great of a character Master Chief can be. He doesn't have to be that 3 dimensional because the reason people love him is because he's an ideal, he's a hero and he's the person that everyone needs, even if they don't know they do at the time.
Mario Paint
What was Mario Paint, but a desperate attempt at creativity blocked by your own abilities at the time?

This is the story of the Mario character in this fan-made Mario Paint trailer where a man struggles with creativity, different painting styles and a rough inner-torture only to create an amazing piece of art that features Mario.

Mario Paint really wasn't about anything, and this film would most likely be a short were it ever made, but the take on Mario (from Mario Paint) here as a character who enjoys art for art's sake would mean that he would be as much of a diva and as much of a tortured artists as the man in this trailer.

This trailer makes Mario Paint REAL and it shows what would happen if you took the character with the purpose he has in this game... OUT of the game.

C'mon, I mean, how many Italian people who are painters for a living do you know who aren't like this?
Mega Man
Personally, I've never cared to see a Mega Man movie for the same reason I thought that seeing an Astro Boy movie was going to be redundant: we've kinda covered the whole Robot-to-Human thing, haven't we?

But with the barrage of not only memorable characters in this trailer, as well as the plot to do something with a purpose, this trailer makes it feel like the first of a series of films, and not so much a whole film. Some GREAT film franchises start like that, though, and we would 100% see this in theatres (if it had better production value). The concept is there, but the execution leaves something to be desired in its value, but who has enough money to do this right (that would actually want to)?

The amount of characters they squeeze in here are ridiculous.

I mean hey, at least the guy playing Mega Man was also REALLY REALLY convincing.

At least he didn't look like this guy.
Monkey Island
One of the best gaming/media experiences ever, as well as one of the most fantastic comedic achievements in video game history get their own trailer in this fan-splice of Monkey Island using Guybrush Threepwood's voice and scenes from Pirates of the Caribbean.

The first 30 seconds of this trailer are cut BEAUTIFULLY.

BONUS FUN FACT:
Recently, a piece was written on the California Literary Review about how Monkey Island 2 is not only a great gaming experience, but is a must-play for any would-be storyteller. He even went on to say that the writers of Pirates of the Caribbean stole quite a bit from the story.

One of the writers of Pirates of the Caribbean ended up commenting on the piece, saying that what they wrote was yellow journalism, wrong and misinformed.

Word from the original game developer came in a little later and it actually turns out that before the guy who wrote Pirates of the Caribbean wrote Pirates of the Caribbean, he wrote... guess what... a draft for a Monkey Island movie, which was incredibly similar to his Pirates draft.

THIS, friends, is what makes this particular fan trailer one of the most apt, appropriate and awesome
Pac-Man
The hardest part of just about any video game fan trailer (or even for for any video game movie) is the concept. How do you make something into a story, a meaningful, entertaining film, while still keeping elements of what made a point-based cartoon/animated game popular? Even though they might not look as awesome as some of the trailers on page 2 or 3, these two Pac-Man trailers take the concept of the game, makes it insanely appropriate and do it in a way that makes us actually kind of want to watch the movie (which is the whole point of a trailer, isn't it?)

This Pac-Man trailer achieves that and more. It turns it into a psychological thriller where a man must eat a series of pellets, and keep doing so or his head will explode. The side effects of the pills come when the man is on them, and he can't take them head on, but instead must run intelligently through the world avoiding them.

BONUS TRAILER (click here)
Here's a lower budget, but equally awesome trailer for a Pac-Man where the whole world has gone to crap because of what news reports call "Ghost Attacks". One man dresses up like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill and takes them on in awesome ways.

Great allusions: cherries, the soundtrack (brilliant, you don't realize it's Pac-Man til the end), and the fact that the guy is wearing a yellow helmet the whole time.

It's a toss up between these two, so you decide. Which one do YOU like more? Either way, they both belong on this item on this list.
Portal
Portal = Cube/Hypercube. Duh.

Remember when Portal first came out? How did you describe it to people?

The smartest way to describe it was basically "it's like Cube, the game". In case you didn't see "Cube", here's the synopsis

CUBE (1997)
7 complete strangers of widely varying personality characteristics are involuntarily placed in an endless kafkaesque maze containing deadly traps.

The only difference between Cube and Portal is that you seem to be voluntary at first in Portal, you're one person and you have what is arguably the coolest gun in the world.

Trailer uses GLADoS BRILLIANTLY, as well as uses the right clips from Cube to really make it seem as desperate, frustrating and clausterphobic as a Portal movie really would be.
The Legend of Zelda
IGN released this trailer on April Fools Day a few years back and it really got a lot of praise. It's not the greatest trailer ever, but the beats that it takes are PERFECT.

If this were a real trailer, it would be absolutely amazing. Not taking the plot of the first Zelda and mixing it up a little was a GREAT call and an even better way to form a trailer.

Casting a guy who looks like a mix between Brad Dourif and a confused looking Chris Katan, though? Worst. Part. Of. The. Trailer.

They pretty much shot themselves in the foot by making Link a guy who looks like he goes to clubs and bars, but then doesn't talk to anybody.

Either way, though, the small amounts of the Zelda theme that we get in the song really make us believe one thing, as well as remind us of the following:

When Hollywood makes a Legend of Zelda movie, it better be f**king good. They have arguably the best storyline in video game history, one of the greatest themes to ever grace ANY media and an underdog protagonist that will stop at nothing to overcome impossible odds. If you screw that up, I say we all never watch a movie ever again.

Personally, I treat the idea of whoever ends up making the Legend of Zelda movie like I will treat the idea of whoever ends up marrying my daughter. They better f**king do it right, or they dun goofed.
Tetris
This TETRIS trailer has really made its rounds on the internet for the past few years, but the reason it's on this list isn't because it's simply memorable or because it's relatively well-made (all hail green screen).

It's because it's cheesy, it's 90's and completely ridiculous. Stretching reality and throwing around a concept like they do in this trailer is EXACTLY the type of crap they would pull if it were 1992 and a studio was forced to make a Tetris movie.

Look at the Super Marios Bros. movie, they didn't even TRY. Everything was a huuuuuuuuuge stretch of the imagination to even get into, the situations were cliched and the acting was corny.

This trailer not only brings all that 90's B-Movie wonder back to a new millenium, but brings it into a game even your grandma knows and loves.

The villain in this trailer is another fine example of the 90's cheesiness this trailer takes and makes its own. Absolutely wonderful.
Microsoft Minesweeper
Once again bring a simple-concept game into reality, this trailer basically makes minesweeper into Saving Private Ryan. This makes perfect sense, and it's actually kind of surprising that Hollywood hasn't done this yet (they ARE making a Monopoly movie AND a Bazooka Joe movie).

This trailer, and would-be movie, focuses on a small team of minesweepers who treat it like a game, even though it's a job.

There's one guy who's great, but we see many people get blown up, falling into the many traps and patterns we all have while sitting at a work computer or someone else's computer with absolutely nothing to do.

Most genius part of the trailer "c'mon, it's never the first one" *BLAM*

Top 8 Rebound Relationships in Video Game History

August 27, 2013, 2:25 pm

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Video game characters go through some of the most arduous emotional torture in all of fiction and through their travels and turmoil, often end up settling romantically for second-best. From losing their only love and turning to kidnapping to taking their brother's sloppy seconds to spending endless quests on the search for someone who's never there, here are the most iconic rebound relationships in video game history.
http://www.ranker.com/list/top-8-rebound-relationships-in-video-game-history/john-barryman,

Otacon & Naomi Hunter
Hal Emmerich's seen some s**t.

As a scientist who was instrumental in building Metal Gear Rex he was kidnapped by terrorists and attacked by a ninja (which doesn't sound that crazy at first, but really, how many times have you been attacked by a mother effing ninja?), and since you can't misspell Stockholm Syndrome without S-E-X, he falls for Sniper Wolf.

Who you then kill in your role as Solid Snake.

(Metal Gear Solid 4 spoilers)
Later in Metal Gear Solid 4, Otacan rebounded with Naomi Hunter and got his groove on in a normal healthy... oh wait, they killed her too. Sorry Hal. Poor guy's just gonna rebound his way to the grave.

Can Naomi turn Hal's Black Roses Red in this embedded video that's more full of cheese than a pretzel Combo? Apparently not.
Daisy & Luigi
So your sister and her boyfriend are having problems and you've always had a thing for his mustachio'd plumber face. A little kidnapping here a little romance there and your own special place on a portable system and you’ve had a fling with him. But oh no?! He's getting back together with her Peachiness. What's a Daisy to do? Move on to that stud muffin younger brother. Luigi has always played second fiddle to Mario, and even in matters of the heart we suspect Mario got to Daisy first and then left his brother the sloppy seconds.

Embedded here, for your viewing pleasure, is a montage of the whole love square (?) and how great they are together and how Daisy & Luigi's relationship is actually that much more tumultuous because it was a rebound relationship... yet it ends up making them that much stronger.
Commander Shephard & Whomever You Choose in Mass Effect
The Mass Effect Dating pool can be a strange situation, but if certain things happen in certain ways, in Mass Effect you could be left heartbroken, and in Mass Effect 2 Commander Shephard is on the Re-Hee-Hee-Bound. If you choose Ashley Williams as your love interest in Mass effect 1 and (SPOILER) then choose her as the character to leave behind you've effectively cut off your ability to get any in the game, so congratulations, everything is just like real life now.

Then comes Mass Effect 2, where you've got quite a few options, actually. But if you're playing as a male character you end up with the options of Tali'Zorah, Jack, or Miranda Lawson (I, for one, chose Tali, because I had a weird childhood.)

The embedded video is an insanely cheesy tribute to the love stories in Mass Effect. At some point, somebody made this, perfected it, uploaded it and tried to get people to click on it. Not only that, but they thought of this idea, spent time executing it and are probably proud of it. People are fascinating.
Bowser & Peach
I know what you're thinking, "They're not in a relationship!"

But take a second and think, why does Bowser keep kidnapping her?

It certainly is not to rule the mushroom kingdom alone or else he would just have had her killed. For an answer to this question, let us look to Super Mario Bros 3, where it is revealed that Bowser has 7 teenage children. And if we assume the timing of the games between 1 and 3 is a matter of only a few years, he already had these kids, who in Mario 3 are in their tweens, when he first kidnapped Peach.

All of this leads us to this conclusion: Bowser/King Koopa only kidnapped Peach so that his kids could have a mother. The poor guy's got 7 mouths to feed (and not to mention Bowser Jr. later on) and in the midst of all that, guess what? They need a mother.

I, for one, have always wondered... who made Bowser a father?

Well, let's assume he's not an asexual being that produces children out of his own loins by inseminating himself and then giving a kind of a "virgin" birth kind of thing.

Let's actually assume his wife and/or special lady died (probably in a horrible bridge/lava accident) and Bowser didn't know what to do until he fell hard for a princess who reminded him of his dead wife and decided she would be the soul mate to help him raise his brood.

You put endless amounts of security detail all over your kingdom to protect your new family, but some horny, drug-addled Italian douchebag keeps getting in the way of you raising your 7 kids.

Bowser is the biggest perpetual Rebounder in video game history in that not only is this feasible, but it fuels the plots for the most popular, iconic games in video games, which have actually become synonymous with the medium.

The video embedded here is an example of the huge/terrifying amount of fanfiction out there devoted to this love story -- set to heavy Metal (of course!)
Chris Redfield & Sheva Alomar
If you're an international operative with very little free time, one would think that your dating pool consists primarily of your coworkers. Well, imagine you're the Resident Evil franchise's Chris Redfield and you have a banging hot partner that you are most likely sexing up between missions.

Now imagine that she is ripped away from you by your former boss. How would you cope?

For Redfield he copes by going to Africa and meeting a new "partner." Sheva Alomar brings it in Resident Evil 5 and when you've finally freed the ex, Jill Valentine, you make the right call and stick with your new girl at that point cause c'mon, a man's gotta evolve.

Embedded here is a video that reduces Chris Redfield's saving the world from an evil zombie virus to "Who's That Girl?" by Robyn.
Cloud Strife & Tifa Lockhart
Nothing will get you over a dead girlfriend like getting under one that's alive.

(Final Fantasy VII Spoiler Alert, for those of you who've lived under a rock for the last million years) Cloud and Aeris were on a path to love in Final Fantasy VII, but Sephiroth made damn sure that that wasn't going to happen in the most dramatic death featured in a video game ever (fittingly too, if you've got that under your belt, you really need to lock that down.)

Cloud became a sullen mopey guy for a while, but in the follow-up movie Advent Children we're lead to believe that not only have Cloud and Tifa stuck together, but that it could work out for them. It's always so nice, and gives all of us hope, to see things work out for dysfunctional fictional characters.

Embedded here is another cheesy montage that shows you that nothing spells out complicated, tragic love quite like hard rock and unnecessary leather.
Sonic & Sally or Sonic & Elise
Some of you may not know who Sally Acorn is, but she is actually Sonic's main love interest in the long-running Sonic The Hedghog comic from Archie Comics. For years, Amy Rose has declared herself to be Sonic's girlfriend in the games, but in the giant debate that rages on the internet, a large contention of followers think that Sonic ultimately belongs with Sally.

Amy is, therefore, technically the rebound, but also the keeper. Not to mention the poster girl for the furry/anthropomorphic character movement.

BUT let's not forget about Elise. The human love interest in Sonic the Hedgehog. That's right, she's full-on Human (and not Dancer). They kiss and everything. So even if you poo poo the comics (and yes, I went to college), Sonic still rebounds with another girl, so Amy Rose can suck it (please do not submit any photos of Amy Rose sucking it.)

Confused? Well here's a video that won't clear up a damn thing. Click here for the video of "Single Ladies" set to all of the ladies in Sonic's life.

Embedded here is the entire love triangle (kind of aptly) explained via montage of deviantart/furry pics of the whole cast. It, sadly, does clear things up. The moments match up with the song pretty well, actually. Okay, I think I've been watching too many of these at this point...
Link & Zelda
Specifically in Twilight Princess (and Ocarina of Time, but we'll be zeroing in on Twilight Princess for the purposes of this item).

Link is partnered up with Midna for the entire game, and after being annoyed by her antics for a while you grow to appreciate the weird mogwai looking thing until it's revealed that Midna isn't a creature at all, but a hot mystic princess from a dark dimension. Score!

But alas it will never be as she needs to return to her dimension and you need to stay in yours (you know, the whole reason you're around). So yeah, Zelda and Link, a blueprint for the hardest anyone has ever worked for the purpose of settling.

Here's a video detailing Link's lost love Midna. Kinda makes you want to take him out for a beer just to help him wash down the bittersweet reality of his relationship with Zelda.

Top Ten Worst Game Levels

November 18, 2013, 1:22 pm

≫ Next: The 25 Best and Worst Nintendo Innovations

≪ Previous: Top 8 Rebound Relationships in Video Game History

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http://www.ranker.com/list/top-ten-worst-game-levels/val1s,

Modern Warfare 2's Favella

Street Fighter 4's Seth
Weeeee!!!! It's a boss who has better moves than everyone else in the game with the reactions time of a millionth of a second controlled by a computer opponent who cheats! How can that not be fun!?!

Seth is only balanced in game by giving him the lowest health of any character. Computer straight up cheats and has more health than you. That is all. Any complaints, take them to the department of- Ha! Sonic boomed you while you were looking for a Department!
Counter Strikes Dust
Whoah, I'm gonna draw some heat on this one. Sometimes a level is played by people so much it becomes a communal space in all our minds, a place more real than the physical world because we have all lived and died there together. That does not mean it is good. Dust is unbalanced and no fun. Its ugly, waiting at the end of a tunnel to shoot someones toes is no fun and the CT's (almost) always win. Just because millions of people have been somewhere doesn't mean its a good place. London for example. As for Dust 2...well who cares really. Everyone knows Nuke is best.
More of my lists:

See more lists like this at calmdowntom.com

Top 10 plot twists in games


Top 5 religions that would make great games

Top 10 coolest guns in movies

Top 10 games to play when you’re depressed

Top 5 unintentionally funny game moments


Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks
Guitar Hero 3's Devil Went Down to Georgia (on hard)
Not so much a bad choice of song as a stupid, awful difficulty spike. The guitar battles were a poor addition to Guitar Hero 3, taking away much of the purity and skill of the game and replacing it with random luck and pointless power ups. These power ups were very difficult for the human player to deal with, but often did nothing to the computer opponent. Worse, this song has long random solo sections which are almost impossible to follow musically. The best Guitar hero songs have clear, defined riffs and this one is just a mess of notes. To top off this s**t pie, this battle is actually easier on expert than it is on hard as the faster notes mean you can sneakily knock out the computer opponent if you get lucky at the start of the song. On hard you just have to get lucky with this level, which is about 157 times harder than the song just one before it on the playlist. I'll finish this game on expert before I will do it on hard, and that just makes no sense.
Halo's Library
Had to include this one as its popular with all you guys, and by popular I mean hated. The design is incredibly lazy and ugly and the enemies are the same ass-goblins you fight in Halo 3's Cortana level. It almost seems like the developers were told the game had to be a certain length and some guy knocked this up on his lunch break to pad the game out. If Halo was a delicious steak dinner, this level was the soggy side salad.
Dragon's Age Origins: The End
Never has a game dragged out its ending like this game. It goes on and on and on and, you get the idea. Spoilers ahead (obviously): The game pulls every s**tty trick in the book. Based on some really unclear choices it takes can take away you're best character (Damn you Morrigan, I'll give you a demon baby if you come back) then later makes you play with the characters you didn't choose to take on the main mission. You know, the ones you never take in your party and therefore have no good weapons or equipment and don't work well together. You then fight one final boss after another between waves of identical enemies through identical looking levels thinking you can't wait for the game to end. It never does. At the end of time, after all the stars have gone out and the universe grows cold there will be a single PC running Dragons Age with the last representative of humanity thinking to herself, "I must be near the end now".
Half Life 2's Sand Traps
Ok, don't walk on the sand got it. Here we go, just put this plank down. Ok. Walk along the plank, now use this tire. Ok. Put this pallet down, almost at the ledge. Alright then, and jump. Done! That was a neat puzzle, avoiding the sand like that! Now that's over with let's go round this corner and see what my next challenge will be.

Oh s**t! It's a beach. It goes on forever, I can't actually see the end. The end of the beach is BEYOND the horizon. Please don't tell me I've got to move beach detirus around all the way across the beach. Thats no fun! Ok lets put this plank down. Alright. Just walk along....s**t I hit the sand! F**k it, RUN!!!!
Halo 3's Cortana
Oh man, where to start. Any level that looks like a series of sphincters better not be full of s**t, but this one is. FPS games are at their best when you're weapons feel powerful and you feel like a hero. In this level you're weapons do nothing but tickle these enemies, and when the enemies look like cling-ons inside an anus you wonder what issues the developers were dealing with when they designed this. All the fun of Halo is taken away as you blast hordes of scuttling rectum-dwellers instead of awesome alien warriors. Eventually you get pissed off and try to run past them. The level is long, but you finally reach the end where you realise......you have to go back out the same way. This time there's more of the enemies too. This is easily the number 1 worst level of all time.
Alone in the Dark Central Park
So much potential. The opening parts of the game see you struggle with the awful controls and the innovative but broken inventory system. You struggle through numerous insta-death situations escaping a building that is being torn apart by a hole in reality. Its kinda cool. You escape to the park in a car chase which again has terrible controls, but the tension and pace of the game keep you going. Then you get to the park, where you will spend the rest of the game. Dull, ugly and repetitive, the game settles into a slog of terrible inventory management and awkward combat. Here's a tip for developers, if you want to have very difficult driving sections, don't have them happen in a park. They're full of these tall, immovable things called trees which kinda get in the way.
Tekken 6's Nancy-MI847J
Sure, fighting the greatest martial artists from around the world is cool, but what I really want to face is a giant robot crab that looks like its made out of meccano. Hopefully I have to constantly sidestep around it like a lonely loser attending a dance class for the first time. Maybe it could have a giant health bar and missiles that make it stupidly hard to beat while simultaneously teaching me none of the skills I need to learn to get good at the game. Bravo Namco, you've done it again!

The 25 Best and Worst Nintendo Innovations

November 18, 2013, 1:22 pm

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There are actually a great number of things Nintendo's done over the years that people might not know about or understand the impact of on the game industry and our lives in general (as gamers.) To this end, here are 25 things to match the 25 year anniversary of Mario and the NES. Some are are wonderful innovations and ideas that have propelled the video games forward. Others are mistakes that the company would be wise to expunge from the public record if the maxim of "Nintendo Power" is ever taken to its extreme and becomes a totalitarian dictatorship.

They are all in chronological order, for your History Channel style convenience. Enjoy!
http://www.ranker.com/list/the-25-best-and-worst-nintendo-innovations/adamthomas,

The D-Pad
So I've already talked about the fact that the NES and SNES controllers pretty much paved the way for controller excellence. but some will of course wonder why exactly this is the case, when (in hindsight at least) it seems like such an obvious evolution of design. After all, it was simplified and molded to fit within two hands, had a simpler button array than many other controllers that came before it, and was built to last. All of these are certainly good things, but what really set it apart was the D-Pad.

It seems like such a small thing, but you have to remember, before the D-pad, the directions in video games were controlled in a variety of crazy ways .

While some of the ideas present weren't bad, and in fact would go on to be quite useful (the joystick being the direct ancestor of modern thumbsticks), the D-pad was an elegant solution for the time. It was simple and precise and afforded most of the perfect range of movement needed when games were still stuck in 2D. And who helped make this wonderful little improvement that would go on to this very day, why none other than Gunpei Yokoi of course!

The D-pad was so good, that Nintendo patented it! This is of course why all other versions of the D-pad are inferior to anything Nintendo puts out that has the traditional cross-shaped input mechanism. The 360 D-pad being the prime example of why holding onto this one idea has been an especially good move for those Kyoto-gurus.
Battery Backup
In the modern era, saving your game isn't a problem. hell, games might even save your progress too much!

"Ridiculous!" you might balk.

Oh yeah? Ever hit an automatic checkpoint directly before getting shot in the face and surrounded by twenty Russians in Modern Warfare? Yeah, that totally blows.

Still, it's about a gillion times better than what we had to do back in the dark ages of console gaming:
insanely long, horrifyingly hard to read passwords.

Sure there were some fun things to find with a password or two; JUSTIN BAILEY probably being the most notable example, but for the most part they were tedious horrid things, and I'm pretty sure we're all glad they're dead.

Thank you Nintendo, for introducing the Battery Back-up save system in the original Zelda . It was a big boon.
Popularizing the Portable Platform
Ever play a DS? How about the PSP? Maybe a Game Gear, or Mobile phone game, or possibly some of the other hand-helds?

Yes? Oh well, then if you enjoyed the experience, thank Nintendo!

Now I'm sure that you're going to assume that the popularity of the portable is due to the Gameboy. Well, you'd be partially right; at least after 1990, when the massive success of the Gameboy (still the highest selling console in history if you count every iteration) created enough decent competition to finally wipe those horrifying Tiger Electronics handheld games off the face of the earth. Thank God above, Satan below (and Pan off to the side) for that miracle.

But no, the history goes far deeper, back to 1980.

Back to the Game & Watch baby!

You see, back then Gunpei Yokoi, who was kind of a big deal (and will be featured heavily on this list) sitting on a train and watching some guy diddle around with his calculator. Then an idea stuck. "Man commuting is boring as s**t. I wish there was a way to both kill time and keep track of it at the same time . . .wait a minute. That's brilliant!"

And thus the Game & Watch was born. Now, while it wasn't the first handheld, as that honor goes to Mattel in 1977, it was the first to make the idea popular wordwide. It even had ideas that are still being used to this day. Two screens? That's silly. A foldaway case? That's just dumb!

Oh no, wait, those are good ideas.

Still, it did spawn imitators as well. In fact it's probably the direct cause of those terrible Tiger Electronics games that were the bane of every one of my early Christmases. But I guess no one's perfect.
Donkey Kong Propels Structured Narrative
What makes games worth playing? I know that's a totally loaded, subjective question, and everyone is going to have a completely different answer. For some, it's all about the action of games, whether shooting, punching, running or solving. For others, it's about the escapism of a virtual world. Still others it's about challenging yourself and overcoming adversity.

But for a few, the idea that a story can be told in a completely new method is what entrances them. It's become an engrossing enough subject that people can now go to college and study the concept in an official capacity. People get into massive debates about the importance of story in games, some say it's as important as plot in porn, others, that it's the ultimate goal of digital entertainment (such as in the attached video).

But who got the ball rolling?

Well, not Nintendo. Games like Adventure (1975) proposed the concept of a fictional world deeper than what graphics could display, but weren't terribly popular, and Pac-Man (1980) is arguably the first mainstream game with characters and bits of plot. But for the most part, what's now known as Interactive Fiction remained within the confines of a relative few, whereas most everybody else was rather content to shoot aliens or bat a ball back and forth with sticks of light.

It was in 1981's release of Donkey Kong, that the first full story came into a popular arcade game. Unlike Pac-Man, Donkey Kong had a definite beginning, middle and end, though It was crude to say the least: Ape steals woman, Man defeats Ape, Man saves Woman. But it gave context to an otherwise nonsensical set of actions (jumping over barrels and swinging hammers) that made the game easy to like, quite similar to Pac-Man, but just that little bit better.

This concept of applying a narrative framework with a definite end point was brought to most, and then eventually, all Nintendo games released in the 80's and soon enough other game developers followed suit. After all, even if you want to simply shoot aliens, it's nice to have a reason to do so. This is just a part of our human nature; add personal context to even the most illogical of situations!

In a lot of ways, Nintendo kind of wins this by default, since the NES was the first popular home console that had enough horsepower to actually deliver this to the masses, and surely this idea would have come about regardless of who provided the medium (especially once you consider the considerable growth PC games made in the same time frame). But due to the encouragement of the value of story by putting it into their own games, Nintendo ensured that the acceptance of at least some narrative was a standard, rather than an exception. And due to the sheer number of NES consoles owned across the world, it became the standard expect similar treatment, at the very least in the manual of a game. Even if it's just a "porn Plot", or a window dressing in many games, it's a heck of a lot better than having nothing at all.

And for some , these plots are just the start of something much larger.

Here's hoping we eventually get there.
The Seal of Approval
This one may seem a little bit odd. I mean, after all, it's only a stamp that Nintendo put on a box. Nothing to it right?

WRONG!
This little sucker is a huge part of Nintendo's early console success, which in of itself pulled video games out of a massive market crash during the 1980's. Without that gold embossed jughead cap, the entire industry would probably be at least 5, maybe 10 years behind, possibly even horribly ghettoized in the same manner as comic books in the 1950's.

Again though, the seal was a product of its time.

A long time ago, in a galaxy exactly like our own, because it was, the Video game industry was imperiled. Twice. First, in 1977, several major manufacturers that had entered into the market with Pong clones, like Fairchild and RCA, decided to pull out and liquidate their stock. This led to an overabundance of consoles everywhere. I wasn't alive just yet, but I picture Fairchild F-Channels flooding the streets, crushing homes, and being used as cheap insulation for the poor.

Soon enough people were sick of Pong and these terribly abundant "viddya games". A few companies still survived though, like Atari, Activision, and Commodore. But then the economy struck back . . . and the entire industry crashed yet again in 1983. But what was the cause this time?

Tons of cheap, s**tty, unlicensed games.

Seriously back then buying video games was like visiting the Piratebay, anyone could bring something to the table no matter how terrible, you were probably getting a knock off, and you might even see some penis (though pixellated, probably NSFW). The entire industry just had too many scammers, too many fly-by-night profiteers, and too many E.T. cartridges running around for people to take it seriously. So they didn't.

So when Nintendo entered into video games world wide (after already conquering Japan like Godzilla on a bender), they realized that to repeat the mistakes of their predecessors would be completely retarded. So they decided to actually give a damn about the actual games that came out on their system, and only approve games that met at least some quality control guidelines. Now it wasn't a 100% fool proof guarantee , but it did its job.

It showed that as long as you looked out for the seal, the game probably wasn't utter garbage. Usually.

And this worked! Such a simple concept of having minor quality assurance and informing the consumer of this brought confidence back to the industry, which then saved it.
The Perfect Controller Layout - Mark I & II
Probably the most important thing Nintendo has ever done for console gaming, aside from saving the industry itself (more on that in a bit), is that they have defined what makes the perfect controller.

Now the NES controller itself is sort of the original Iron Man Armor version of this. Back before it existed, game controllers were a wild array of dials and knobs, or far too many buttons a placed on hunks of plastic that were fairly easily broken. The NES on the other hand was ergonomic for the time and highly durable. This was perfect as plenty of NES games made you want to throw the thing across the room.

It was perfect for its day, but as time went on and games became more complex, couldn't keep up with the games themselves.

Enter the Super Nintendo controller.

More ergonomic, but tossing in two more face buttons and shoulder buttons on top of an already established design made it the perfect example of what to do with a controller. The Super Famicom version even had color-coordination with its face buttons, which would become especially necessary in later years, when we entered the dark age of the QTE.

The base design of of the NES and SNES controllers has been so good that they've spawned legions of imitators, and though both Sony and Microsoft have improved upon the original design, they didn't create the principle.

So thank you Nintendo, for ensuring that controllers didn't suck.
A Peripheral Saves the Industry
OK, so I already mentioned above that the Nintendo Seal helped instill consumer confidence back into gaming, but that, like knowing, was only half the battle.

The problem was the retailers, despite being presented with the pure awesomeness that the NES obviously emitted like Nazi-death lights from the ark of the covenant, were hesitant to sell the thing to consumers they thought just wouldn't buy it after the disasters of Atari. In all fairness, it was a perfectly reasonable approach to take considering the times. They were living in a Material World back then, unless something could be presented as more than just a "set-top box" the retailers, they didn't think people would dig into video games after seeing so many pieces of crap available.

Enter your Friendly Neighborhood Robotic Operating Buddy!

Or FNROB for short. Actually, scratch that, R.O.B. works better.

This little guy only worked with a few, kind of bad games, but his purpose was far greater. He was the sacrificial lamb that allowed Nintendo to sell the NES and prove to consumers that it wasn't terrible. Retailers reasoned that hey, maybe the video games themselves might not sell, but the market for toy robots has always been strong .

For falling on his sword (or is it Gyromite?) in order to get millions of kids access to a totally non-creepy adult plumber, Nintendo should give a 21 Zapper salute to this little guy.
Super Censorship Bros.
Uh, where to begin? Examples almost too numerous to mention .

This sort of came hand in hand with the Seal of Approval. While the seal brought consumer confidence back to gaming, Nintendo had to start drawing the line at what could or couldn't be allowed. In some instances this was probably a good thing, as there weren't any real porn games for the NES as there were for the Atari (links to Custer's Revenge which is probably NSFW).

On the other hand, there were many things that were censored quite needlessly or even consistently. A good example is the NES port of Bionic Commando. The enemy couldn't be called N***s, noooo, they were "Badds". The final boss wasn't Hitler, but rather "Master-D". However despite this, his head still asploded.

Or how bout Crucifixes? In certain games, like Castlevania, it was A-OK to show religious power overcoming evil, by actually calling the weapon a cross. But in others, a crucifix wasn't cool, even if it was on a coffin or gravestone.

Bibles became "Magic Books", bars became "Cafes", blood became "sweat" and Poison became a man!

This didn't end with the NES or SNES eras either. Conker's Bad Fur Day reportedly gained almost no publicity due to its mature content, and that was well near the end of the N64 cycle.

It was all kind of silly, and thankfully Nintendo has backed away from these policies and allowed people to make content they want, as long as it's appropriately labeled. There was a time when Nintendo could be a total [EXPLETIVE DELETED] when it came to enforcing their [EXPLETIVE DELETED] policies!

[EXPLETIVE DELETED]! They've reverted back to their old ways! Run!
The 1st Gamer "Gurl"
So who is the first playable woman in a video game?

If you say Ms. Pac-Man, I'd hesitate to agree. I mean, she's really just a female version of a "Pac-Man", whatever that actually is, it isn't human .

Metroid came out in 1986, and it seems unlikely that she was actually the 1st original human female in any game (Chozo blood not withstanding). But after performing an exhaustive search the closest thing is probably the genderless characters in the original Oregon trail. Even then, if you look at the history books, the jobs of Banker, Farmer, and Carpenter were traditionally held be men soooo . . . yeah.

Samus is the first PLAYABLE ORIGINAL HUMAN FEMALE in a videogame. (Screw you Pac-monster!).

Now, this doesn't bury any long standing issues of having a low ovary count amongst playable characters, but let's be fair. Samus was a not intentionally sexualized, and playable female character before any one else was doing it, and who ended up performing this task? Nintendo, and under the supervision of . . . Gunpei Yokoi! We meet again Yokoi-san!

If nothing else, it was a start. Though women still have some problems with decent characterization in gaming, and with Samus herself , she's still the first, and that can't be taken away from her, or Nintendo.
Secrets Worth a Damn
One of the biggest things Nintendo brought to actual gameplay, and one thing many, many people forget is that they were one of the first developers to incorporate secrets into their games . . . on purpose.

Time was, if a developer included their name in a game it was the height of a "secret".

But while it's certainly nice for a person to get credit for their work, let's be honest here. Most players couldn't give a damn!

No what we want are secrets and bonuses that give us some thing fun to do, something neat to break. And that's where Super Mario Bros. fits in.

Playing a game with invisible blocks and warp zones blew everyone's mind! Games before then just didn't do this stuff, and actually integrate it into the main gameplay. Before it was easy to find out about these hidden gems via the internet, every secret path you found was you're own, and very personal, until you told every one of your friends at school the next day. It was not uncommon to hear extravagant tales of "super impossible" secrets and tricks, and actually believe them, because Mario brought the magic of never knowing exactly what to expect from a game simply because these tucked away blocks and tricks permeated the entire thing from start to finish.

If there is one reason alone for why Mario is important, it might very well be the fact that his games actually brought about an air of mystery and encouraged gamers to look well beyond the face value of the general presentation.

This was carried over into plenty of Nintendo games, from Metroid to Star Fox, and was then added as a feature to so many other games it became an industry standard for many years. In fact, for most of the 80's and 90's, a game without some sort of level warp or hidden zone was actually quite rare.

Nowadays though, stuff like this has fallen rather out of vogue. Sure there are still hidden items to find an collect, the occasional unlockable set of cheats or a cool bonus costume, but hiding oodles of magic secrets behind every corner and crevice? It's just not done on the same level of scale.

Besides, without the propagation of videogame secrets, we'd never have The Konami Code .

Video Games That Should Be Movies

November 30, 2013, 1:01 pm

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What video games should be movies? Several of the most well known and popular video games of all time could easily be made into potentially excellent feature films. This list includes several of the biggest and best video games ever: Assassin's Creed, BioShock and some of the Zelda and Grand Theft Auto games as well. Vote for the games you think would make the best movies, vote down any that you don't think would work and of course, add any that might be missing. You can also rerank this list in any order you want.

Adapting a great video game into a movie is a risky proposition. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it just doesn't. You can't blame Hollywood for trying though, because the video gaming industry is a billion dollar business. Combine that with a hit feature film, and you've got tens of billions in potential profit. Examples? How about 1995's 'Mortal Kombat' or the 'Lara Croft Tomb Raider' series? And of course, the 'Resident Evil' movies have done quite well at the box office too.

Which current video games should be made, immediately, into a movie? Some of the best include 'Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic' and 'Batman: Arkham Asylum.' Here's a great fancast for 'Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic' as an example. The main requirement to make a successful video game to movie adaptation? You need the most compelling video game storylines. Start with the basics, and go from there - you can't lose!
http://www.ranker.com/crowdranked-list/video-games-that-should-be-movies,

Assassin's Creed

BioShock

Gears of War

God of War

Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis

Mass Effect

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

Uncharted: Drake's Fortune

World of Warcraft

Batman: Arkham Asylum

The Best Classic Arcade Games

December 2, 2013, 5:11 pm

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The best classic arcade games include not only the big, big, BEEG cabinet coin-op arcade games from the crazy 80s, but also many of the best video games of all time. Now played on tiny portable handheld consoles or popular home consoles with wireless controllers and Internet compatibility, modern video games evolved from these classic favorites.

These are the games that many of us remember pumping quarters into as a child as we vowed to beat that high score in the likes of Frogger or Ms. Pac-Man or sought to reach the final castle in Super Mario Bros.

Many of the classic games here left such a lasting impression from their time in the giant arcade versions that they were later released on smaller platforms like the original Nintendo Entertainment System or remade decades later for platforms like the Nintendo Wii.

Similarly, with titles like Paperboy and Donkey Kong, many of the titles spawned sequels or full series of games. Though a far cry from today's games with 3D graphics and graphic violence, these classic games remind us of a simpler time when titles like Pong or Asteroids were enough to entertain us for a few hours. Ah, the good old days!
List Inspired by bri's 1970s Arcade Videogames list.
http://www.ranker.com/crowdranked-list/the-best-classic-arcade-games,

Asteroids

Frogger

Galaga

Mario Bros.

Ms. Pac-Man

Pac-Man

Space Invaders

Donkey Kong

Tetris

Centipede

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Best Super Nintendo (SNES) Games

December 1, 2013, 8:56 pm

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List of the best games ever released for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. The 16-bit Super Nintendo (or SNES) video game console was available beginning in 1990 in Japan (where it was known as the Super Famicom) and the following year in North America, and was not discontinued until 2003 and 1999, respectively. During the 16-bit era (which primarily featured SNES competition from the Sega Genesis console), Super Nintendo was the world's best-selling video game system. Over 39 million SNES units were sold around the world (still shy of the incredible 61.91 million original Nintendo systems sold.) Even into the 32-bit era, Super Nintendo systems remained commonplace in homes around the world.

794 total games were officially released for the Super Nintendo system. The first games available for the new system were "Super Mario World," "F-Zero," "Pilotwings," "SimCity" and "Gradius III." "Super Mario World" - which was often bundled and sold with the system in its early days - remained the best-selling SNES game of all time, with over 20 million units sold. Many Super Nintendo titles have remained popular through the use of emulators, which can currently recreate the SNES experience on computers.

Check out more lists like Directors That Didn't Go To Film School, Best 60s Albums, The Worst Thing About Your Job, 2 Guns Movie Quotes and Best Costumes At Comic Con 2013
http://www.ranker.com/crowdranked-list/best-super-nintendo-_snes_-games,

Chrono Trigger

Donkey Kong Country

Final Fantasy VI

Street Fighter II

Super Mario Kart

Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars

Super Mario World

Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island

Super Metroid

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past

The Best Metroid Games

November 21, 2013, 9:50 am

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List of best Metroid games, ranked from best to worst with photos. This list of top Metroid games includes photos of the games cover art that can be enlarged by clicking on them. If you think the coolest Metroid game to play isn't as high as it should be then make sure to vote it up so that your opinion will count. After all, if you're a huge Metroid fan then we want your say in this greatest Metroid games list. Are you and a friend arguing over what the best Metroid game of all time is? Use this full list of fun to play Metroid video games to see how many people would agree with you and end the squabble once and for all. There are so many good Metroid video games but thanks to the masses that voted you can see what the most notable Metroid games are. For all purposes think of this as a best of Metroidlist for gamers with the most exciting Metroid games at the top.
 

List is made up of many different items, including Metroid and Super Metroid.
 

If you're wondering "what are the most popular Metroid games for gamers?" or "what are the top rated Metroid games of all time?" then this list should answer your questions. Be sure to share this full list of iconic Metroid games by clicking one of the social media icons on the top or bottom of the page. It can be tricky choosing the best game when looking at all Metroid games but with the help of this list we can finally see what the most fun to play Metroid video games are. This list also answers the question “which are the most popular Metroid video games for gamers?
 

Make sure to make your voice heard on which are the best (and worst) items on this list. Vote!  {#nodes}

http://www.ranker.com/list/list-of-samus-aran-metroid-games/video-game-info, video games, games, Nintendo,

Metroid

Metroid Fusion

Metroid II: Return of Samus

Metroid Prime

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption

Metroid Prime Hunters

Metroid: Zero Mission

Super Metroid

Metroid: Other M

Top Mega Man X Bosses

December 18, 2013, 11:51 pm

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In honor of it's 20th birthday, Gamesided.com wants our readers to rank the villains from the popular SNES game. From Vile to Flam Mammoth, which boss did you find the best in terms of weapon, difficulty and look?
http://www.ranker.com/list/top-mega-man-x-villains/gamesided,

Flame Mammoth
Weapon: Fire Wave
Weakness: Storm Torpedo
Spark Mandrill
Weapon: Electric Spark
Weakness: Shotgun Ice
Launch Octopus
Weapon: Homing Torpedo
Weakness: Rolling Shield
Armored Armadillo
Weapon: Rolling Shield
Weakness: Electric Spark
Boomer Kuwanager
Weapon: Boomerang Cutter
Weakness: Homing Torpedo
Vile
Weapon: Ride Armor
Storm Eagle
Weapon: Storm Tornado
Weakness: Chameleon Sting
Sting Chameleon
Weapon: Chameleon Sting
Weakness: Boomerang Cutter
Chill Penguin
Weapon: Shotgun Ice
Weakness: Fire Wave

The 13 Sexiest Gifts for Your Gamer Girlfriend

December 17, 2013, 3:58 pm

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What do you get the Gamer Girl in your life? She's already defeated the Joker, wiped out the Zerg and dominated Skyrim. What's left? You want to give her a gift that tells her you care, but also acknowledge the fact that you find her incredibly sexy as well as cater to the gamer insider her (not the literal one, because that's you). So, because you're lazy and thoughtless, here are some great holiday gift ideas for your gamer girlfriend.

http://www.ranker.com/list/the-12-sexiest-gifts-for-your-gamer-girlfriend/greg, christmas, babes, video games, games, Nintendo, PlayStation, Casual Games, gifts, gift guides,

Sexy Nintendo Underwear for Women
Nintendo's pretty much the most iconic and recognizable name in gaming, and so it goes without saying that they have the largest amount of random stuff made in their name by outside companies. So, of course, there exists a barrage of Nintendo underwear for women (and, of course, for men).

But here's some stuff you can't find on sale at Target:

Nintendo Controller Panties


She controls you anyway, so why the hell not get her a pair of panties that set it in stone (well, cotton). They look pretty damn great on a lot of girls and work pretty well for both your needs. It also lets her know that you're thinking about her comfort to make up for all those times you refused to pay for valet service and made her walk 8 blocks in heels while it was raining.

Also...


Click here to pick up the Nintendo Controller Panties
Gaming Studs/Jewelry


Everyone knows the phrase "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend". This just isn't true. For those of us lucky enough to have a girl gamer in our lives a more appropriate saying would be "Companion Cubes are a Girl's Best Friend." One truth though is that all women like jewelry, so why not give something more heart felt this year. Instead of a diamond necklace, how about a heart container necklace from Legend of Zelda.


Or a Sterling Silver 8-Bit Mario.
Sexy Video Game Corsets
For the girl who loves dressing up in corsets, the fine people at The Vintage Doctor have made various gaming corsets for you to find and enjoy.

Just make sure you get the sizing right, as fit is just about everything when it comes to corsets.

There's an underbust with Mario on it as well, and another corset like this Zelda one, only filled with a bunch of Sonic the Hedgehogs. It rules.

All of these can be found over at the corset section of The Vintage Doctor's website.
The No More Heroes Lingerie Set


No More Heroes 2 is one of the single craziest games to ever be released on the Wii. Though, like with many crazy things, it also had some pretty sexy clothing. So it is no surprise that a line of Lingerie was created for NMH2.

Nothing says Merry Christmas Sexy like a black bustier trimmed in yellow ribbon, garters and a samurai sword.

Read more about this collection at Kotaku.
Game Boy Dress
Yeah sure, this is really more of a lazy Halloween costume than something a girl would actually want to wear around town, but dear Lord look at it:



Not only is it exactly what it sounds like, but it calls to a nostalgia that makes anyone who actually owned an original Game Boy feel awesome. It's an awesome mix of sexy tiny dress and nerdery that only a true gamer girl would appreciate.

You can purchase this over at SewOeno's Etsy page.

BONUS: You won't have to hold your girlfriend up over your head to make the headlights in the car behind you light up her screen.
DS Skins


A practical gift for the gamer girl in your life. Buying her one of these adorable DS Skins shows that you not only care about her, but for the care and style of her gaming system. With choices ranging from Hello Kitty and Disney Princess to Skulls and Butterflies, Gamerz Skinz has you covered.
The Rez ASCII Sex Toy for PS2
This is the coolest in actually-buyable teledildonics.

Yes, this is a real word, it's a real industry, and it totally exists. It's exactly what it sounds like: teledildonics (also called "cyberdildonics" are electronic sex toys that are controlled by computers. Namely, it's a cool way to turn your Wii, your Playstation 2 (or 3) and even your PC into a command center for insanely creative, interactive sex games.

It's the perfect happy medium between everything 12 year old you and the you that you've come to know/hate so well today have ever wanted!

First up is this Playstation 2 sex toy that revolves around the game Rez, which basically does what your gaming consoles have always done for your gamer girlfriend: replaced you in a way that fulfills her more than you do most of the time.

It ONLY works with Rez, though, which is interesting since the game is a weird 90'sesque acid trip through a vast world where you navigate through walls and exploding boxes while surrounded by otherwise-nothingness. Think TRON, if everyone in that world was constantly on E.



The Rez sex toy controller mirrors any movements made in the game, so you can play while your girlfriend goes nuts.

It's really the perfect gift/concept/anything.

Buy it New or Used @ Amazon

Yes, that's right, USED. This is the world we live in.
Achievement Unlocked Undies


This underwear features a rarity, therefore making it not only a collector's item, but a pleasure to be around. It has the only well-executed, working and borderline-tasteful video game joke ever told on a piece of apparel. This alone should make it a great gift for any gamer girl.

This is one of the more commonly known gaming gifts for women, but just a reminder that these exist. Not only are they hot, but they're a boyshots cut, which is much more comfortable than lace, thongs or even bikini cuts for some people. They're snug and sexy and will remind you of that feeling you first got when you actually unlocked that "achievement".

Purchase these over @ Amazon
Video Game Controller Bikini
After a long gaming session you can count on two things, your thumbs hurting and your girlfriend upset at being neglected. Solution? The controller bikini. This bikini top features a d-pad on the right breast and the A/B buttons on the left. Not sure were the cord is, but I pretty sure the Konami Code will still work. Why?

Because Select and Start are on the bottoms.
The Buttkicker Gamer
Not quite teledildonics, this is actually a pretty legitimate accessory. It basically takes any vibrations that are happening in whatever game you're playing and vibrates your chair accordingly.

It's really the best way to get your girlfriend to play racing games with you as it essentially turns her gaming experience into that Jenna Jameson scene from Howard Stern's Private Parts.

Get it from Buttkicker Direct.

Top 10 Greatest Crossovers in Video Game History

December 13, 2013, 9:17 pm

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A crossover is when one character from one storyline enters the storyline of another; be it from game to game, cartoon to game, movie to game, etc. Whatever the situation may be, they often come off as cheesy and like marketing ploys. Inspired by the 4th item on this list, here are the 10 best, most seamless, and exciting crossovers in video game history.
http://www.ranker.com/list/top-10-greatest-crossovers-in-video-game-history/the-doctor,

Dead or Alive 4
Nicole, the first female Spartan solider - HALO

Not to be outdone on an amazing crossover in a fighting game, Tecmo decided to up the ante and give the world the first female spartan from the HALO universe in the form of Nicole. Although she is not tied directly to any Halo storyline, Nicole is a female spartan from the f*ture trapped in the present. Team Ninja originally wanted the Master Chief, but Microsoft said no. Graciously, though, they allowed Bungie to create Spartan 458 for the Xbox 360 release of the game.

Not QUITE yet, ladies... not QUITE yet....
Dead Rising
Dead Rising was a lot of people's primary reason for actually picking up an XBox 360 back in the day. It's basically a game where you're stuck in a mall during a zombie apocalypse and you have to survive through 3 days. And no, you don't get to curl up into a fetal position. You have to do all kinds of stuff, kill all kinds of zombies and live through various attacks from the undead and even from the living.

If you kill 60,000 zombies, and jump through a bunch of other hoops for this game (how to jump through these hoops: http://ow.ly/1FoNm ), though, you can unlock something AWESOME... the Mega Man armor.

That's right, you can comb through zombies in a realistic (for the time) zombie apocalypse, while in a mall using Mega Man's armor and yes, even his blaster.

Fast forward to 00:28 to see the glory of the blaster unleashed on the undead.

Why Mega Man? Because Keiji Inafune, designer of Mega Man, also designed Dead Rising.
Kingdom Hearts
Who knew that placing Disney characters in a Final Fantasy universe would work so well? Well, apparently Disney and Square Enix did. This is easily one of the most touching, epic and engaging games of all time and definitely the best, smoothest and most seamless integration of characters from different games into one -- making this the best video game crossover of all time.

One of the main reasons this story is so engaging is because you're doing it for a girl. A romantic plot always brings a certain cinematic quality to any game. Every objective means more and every time you level up it's to protect someone else; namely to protect a girl you've always loved. You've had this person in your heart for your entire life, then just as things start to pan out for you, the world starts to fall apart.

So what's the best solution for this? Save the world, the girl and all your friends in between. How are you going to do this? With the help of your new friends Donald and Goofy. Together, you will go through the various worlds that are also in danger of falling apart to try and save everything from complete destruction.

This includes various Disney movies, through which you will meet all your favorite Disney characters. They're not thrown in as arbitrary cameos, but as people (or animals) who happen to have a firm grasp on their world. Whatever you're there to find, you will find it because of them. This game doesn't just bring some of your favorite characters to life, it puts them in an impossible situation with YOU (Sora), and you have to save everyone with their help.

If you haven't played Kingdom Hearts yet, it's because you're either dead or you have some (perfectly understandable) prejudice against Disney. If this is the case, then please make an exception to play one of the most epic game series ever -- even if it is for the PS2.

With Donald and Goofy at your side, you fight both Cloud and Sephiroth and it doesn't feel silly. It works. Which is amazing. You also run into Cid, Yuffie, and a still-living Aeris. Thank your game loving stars that Disney Interactive and Square Enix had offices in the same building. An elevator conversation got this epic ball rolling.

Along with one of the earliest, most inspiring intros ever, Kingdom Hearts does not pull any punches when it comes to bringing you into the story, and universe, forever.
Mario Kart Arcade GP
PAC-MAN, BABY.

Mario Kart in and of itself is a goldmine of crossover goodness. In fact, it started an entire Mario universe game trend. While we may hate the Mario Party end of that trend, it also gave us this gem of an arcade game.

And since the arcade version was co-developed by NAMCO, guess what giant yellow orb is a playable racer? That's, right Pac-Man gets in on the Mario Kart glory.

It's only a little awkward when you see a chomp chomp and wonder, "is that a relative of his?"
Marvel vs. Capcom series
Arguably the fastest and easily one of the greatest and most revered fighting games ever, Marvel vs Capcom 2 is really the belle of the ball of this series. The other games, (including the upcoming Marvel vs. Capcom 3... trailer to your left) incorporate characters from two different mediums to fight against each other in ways that somehow make sense.

You choose a team of three from the screen, having the choice between characters from various Capcom games and any popular Marvel superheroes that are available. You go up against another team of three in a game that revolves around counterattacks, special attacks and never, EVER blinking. This is easily one of the more intense games you'll ever play if you're playing someone at your same skill level. You can play this game for so long you'll end up playing about 36 matches in a row without even noticing.

How do they account for any realism? Well, they don't even try. They just have everyone make the moves you want them to make, so that the game is so fun you end up just trying to win instead of being bogged down by the fact that Thanos bringing a freaking comet down to hit B.B. Hood wouldn't OBLITERATE the girlie with the guns.

I mean, sure, Captain America would wipe the FLOOR with Dan, but it doesn't hinder someone with insane Dan skills from feeding you your ass. This game relies so heavily on skill, that the best players can choose a mediocre character and still wipe the floor with the rest of us.
Soulcalibur
00:54 for the teaser.

The Soul Calibur series has always had great gameplay mechanics, stunning art, and well-handled sword play that has always set it apart from other fighters. Starting with the home versions of Soul Calibur II, NAMCO made characters outside the Soul Calibur universe available for gameplay.

While it was cool to play as Heihachi on the PS2, and Spawn seemed oddly at home in the X-box version, the addition of The Legend of Zelda's Link made the Gamecube release of the game a must-own.

Namco's vision of Link was truly inspired and we desperately wanted to play a Zelda game with THAT Link. We got our wishes when the character model for Twilight Princess was incredibly similar to SC2's.

How do you top Link and Spawn? Well, you cosy up to Lucas Arts. Yoda and Darth Vader join the Soul Calibur crew for some swordplay in Soul Calibur IV. It's a little difficult to buy/love the Soul Calibur storyline, but damn if Yoda didn't fit perfectly into the visual aesthetic of the game. Darth Vader's apprentice from The Force Unleashed is also now a playable character.
Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars
She's not a playable character, but the coolest treat of Super Mario RPG is Samus Aran (from the Metroid series) appearing in the Bowser Castle's guest house.

Super Mario RPG was Square's wonderful endeavor to bring Mario into the RPG realm.

While chatting it up with Samus Aran from Metroid (hot), she tells you she's "resting up for Mother Brain."

*chills*

As an additional treat, you get Link sleeping in the bed next to yours after a battle.

The entire Nintendo universe has really great cameos/crossovers, and they're an absolute *James Lipton voice* DELIGHT every single time.
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
You're either obsessed with this game and love it, or you're new to it, have tried to play it and have gotten PWNed HARD by someone you know (who is obsessed with this game and loves it).

This fighting game has incredible balance and unbelievable gameplay, making this one of the most competitive games you'll ever see someone play. The fact that it's a crossover game isn't even something that people see as a cheesy drawback, it's part of its assets.

Seamlessly making fights between Mario and Starfox or Kirby and Pikachu seem feasible, this game brings the crossover to a whole new level.

Much like Super Smash Bros for the 64, this game piles on the characters from the Nintendo universe to include people like Link, Ash Ketchum, Kid Icarus, and even unexpected surprise characters like Jigglypuff (who actually kicks all kinds of ass). We're still waiting on Captain N making an appearance, though. God damn was that cartoon awesome.

Oh, and here's a video all of the Super Smash Bros. Brawl SMASHES. Awesome.

The best part: Solid Snake, the gun toting soldier from Metal Gear Solid, fights off comically cute Nintendo Characters. The game is a smorgasbord of crossovers, from Kirby to Pikachu, but the addition of Solid Snake was a stroke of genius. Complete with cardboard box for hiding from Samus Aran.

Viewtiful Joe
One of Capcom's stranger crossovers is in Viewtiful Joe, where you can unlock a mission, on PS2, for Devil May Cry hero Dante.

This is probably the only game that let's you see Dante in his boxer shorts. The stylized animation and control scheme for the game gave you a fun hyper-kinetic gaming experience and playing as Dante was a treat for all the Devil May Cry fans out there. There aren't TOO many of us out there, but we grow stronger every day. Much like Dante's abs in this game.
Super Mario Bros. 8-Bit Crossover
Here's the link to the game: http://www.boredville.com/32177/Super-Mario-Crossover-Game

One of the most instantly-classic crossover games we've ever played, and something everyone should really make the time to play through, this Super Mario Bros 8-Bit crossover game is one of the best things to ever happen to us. The inspiration for this list, an a dream come true, it's an amazing game, and a total Geekgasm.

You can play through levels of the NES Super Mario Bros. as other 8-bit characters like Mega Man, Samus, Link, and the main guy from Contra.

The best part of this game is that these characters aren't just skins for Mario, they are all playable as they are in their original games.

That's right, Link throws boomerangs and uses a sword, Samus rolls up into a ball and lays bombs, the guy from Contra shoots a gun and crouches army-style -- and this is just the beginning. Easily one of the flash games we've ever played, we will be telling people about this and sharing it for years to come.

Best character to play as = Bill. Why? Mostly because the fact that what's happening in the picture to the left happens.

Game developed by http://www.exploding-rabbit.com/

TOP 10 HARDEST ZELDA BOSSES

December 13, 2013, 9:17 pm

≫ Next: The 8 Most Badass Flowers in Video Games

≪ Previous: Top 10 Greatest Crossovers in Video Game History

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Legend of Zelda is a series of amazing games with very unique,different and gigantic enemies and bosses but which bosses are the worst of the worst? The hardest of the hardest? You will find out here on my list. Boss videos will be included from number 5 and upwards. PLZ COMMENT AFTER LOOKING AT LIST!!
http://www.ranker.com/list/top-10-hardest-zelda-bosses/pokezelda100,

Ganon (LTTP)
Number 1 is Ganon from a Link To The Past.
The final battle is an epic one with Ganon warping everywhere he goes and he shoots fire,creates fire balls to shield him, Makes fire keese and uses his trident as a boomerang but the real challenge is actually killing him since some players did not realise they needed to shoot Ganon with a silver arrow. He also takes a Moldorm trait and breaks the border of the room and if you fall you restart the battle which just ruins your confidence but when you actually win after all the hardships you've been through you know that you finally beat Ganon.

This has been my top 10 hardest zelda bosses and coming soon the easiest.
Thanks for reading.
Odolwa (MM)
ODOLWA is the first boss of majora's mask and can kill you quickly if you don't know what your doing. It dances and jumps around the room with you trying to shoot it with arrows or use the bomb mask behind it but the annoying thing here is if you get close even for a second you will get hit by a barrage of sword attacks until you die plus he calls reinforcements and while your dealing with them he comes up behind you and slashes you when your not looking plus there is freaky chanting in the background but for a first boss in the game it is challenging as hell making it number 2. tip:You can kill it in 35 seconds or less look on youtube.
Gyorg (MM)
Gyorg is a giant masked fish that tries to kill you. It attacks you on the platform as soon as the fight starts and will eat you under water making you lose valuable health. You can die in less than 40 seconds if your unlucky. You need to use the zora boomerangs to stun it and then you need to use an electric barrier to hurt it but the bad part is it stays down for less then 6 seconds giving you just seconds to get into the water to hurt it. Then it makes other vicious fish protect it but when you beat it you just go mad.
HE DESERVES THIS SPOT!!!
Molgera (WW)
Molgera is a freaking *****. First off his weak point is his tongue which you have to get close to but your getting pulled down by the sand and suddenly Molgera eats you. Molgera also has baby's during the battle and you have to kill them as Molgera flys into the air and trys to crush you by diving into the sand right where you are. The amount of times it ate me ggggrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry lost my cool there but at least your master sword is fully powered at the end and that is why Molgera is numero 6.
Moldorm (LTTP,LA)
Moldorm is just a complete psycho. He runs around the floor on tiny battlefields trying to knock you off.
I hate the fact that you restart the whole blooming battle which ruins your rhythm and when you hits its tail near an edge it just pushes you right off and I JUST HATE HATE HATE MOLDORM FOR HIS WAYS OF MAKING YOU LOOK LIKE A DOUCHE THAT CAN'T BEAT A GIANT WORM!!!!!!!!!
PLUS IN LINK TO THE PAST YOU LOSE ONE ENTIRE HEART ON CONTACT!!
Dark Link (AOL)
Now when I say Dark Link is hard he is hard. Just imagine you just beat Thunderbird and you have low magic and health with only one life left. You enter the final room and Dark Link attacks you but you live in the 1990s and know nothing about the cheat where you crouch in the corner and slash. You have to fight him head on with low health and you are as people say ******. Dark Link is hard AND HE SHOULD JUST GO JUMP OFF A CLIFF SINCE THAT WOULD BE COOL!!!!
Evil Eagle (LA)
Evil eagle has loads of health,you have barely any space to move around or any time to react and if you fall of the battlefield you restart the battle. 8 hits to kill it and say you have seven then you fall off you basically blow up your game,chuck it out of a window,use it as a coaster anything just to get back at some digital cartridge. Plus you go through the same stupid lines made by the eagle's rider every time you fall. Look the hookshot is good and all but I have something better. Say Evil Eagle swoops down at you all you need is the right item. BAZUKAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! ;)
Nightmare (LA)
The nightmare of links awakening. If you saw my last list and saw the vid about nightmare then you know he is easy when he needs to be but imagine you didn't get the boomerang or you run out of magic dust before beating the first stage or you only have half the hearts you need and have no potions. Then he is hard as hell. You will be thrashed and you will be trashed and you will probably be going against him for a week. Plus it takes 15 ARROWS TO BEAT HIS FINAL FORM. GOOD LUCK.
Demon Train (ST)
Now when I say the Demon Train is hard I know some of you will complain but the train shoots lasers,barrels and moves onto your part of the train track making you have to completely change track but the problem is sometimes there are no ways to change track so you get stuck and get smashed by the train with a bad face. I say it is hard as hell since if you take too long blowing up the train the tracks end and you fall INTO A PIT AND INSTANTLY DIE!!!!!! FRUSTRATING!!!!!
Thunderbird (AOL)
AHHH THE THUNDERBIRD. I ONLY HAVE A FEW THINGS TO SAY AND THESE THINGS ARE I BLOOMNG HATE YOU THUNDERBIRD SINCE WE CANNOT BEAT YOU IF WE HAVE LESS THAN 50% MAGIC AND OH WAIT YOU SHOOT FIREBALLS EVERYWHERE. And WHEN YOU ARE BEAT WE END UP BATTLING DARK FREAKIN LINK AFTER YOU SO THUNDERBIRD YOU ARE HARD IN SO MANY WAYS AND TO SUM THIS UP IN ONE WORD.....................*****

The 8 Most Badass Flowers in Video Games

December 14, 2013, 8:58 pm

≫ Next: The 13 Greatest Cats in Video Game History

≪ Previous: TOP 10 HARDEST ZELDA BOSSES

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In honor of every outlet in the world making a "badass characters" list in honor of the manliest movie of the year coming out this month (The Expendables), we've gone the other way. What's the opposite of manly? Ponies. What's even girlier? Flowers. So since they get such a bad rap, here are the 8 most badass flowers in video game history. Wake up and smell the roses. The deadly, deadly roses.

Check out more lists like Best Dance Clothes Websites, Worst NBA Trades, Best Ryan Murphy Characters, Best Putters in Golf History and Greatest Mens Tennis Players of All Time
http://www.ranker.com/list/the-8-most-badass-flowers-in-video-games/the-master,

Pikmin
Pikmin is a game a bout the courages Captain Olimar, who crash lands on a planet with high levels of oxygen, which is deadly to his people. He then must find the parts of his ship that were scattered throughout the planet with the help of little Pikmin, half-plant, half-sentient creatures that do his bidding. They would die without Captain Olimar, so they do whatever he says and they end up helping him get his ship back together and back to his home planet.

These courageous little guys are badass in nature. They fight, destroy and kick-ass on a whim. Need to destroy a giant lizard? The Pikmin have your back. Need to carry a bunch of stuff back to your ship? The Pikmin have your back. They're all in. The Pikmin do what needs to get done no matter the task or cost, which make them some of the most badass flowers ever.

Fun fact: "Pikmin" is actually a real kind of flower that blooms in South Africa.

Don't you wish you could call those Pikmin whenever you needed to move? They seem like the type of guys that when you invite them over for a movie, they bring a case of beer. Which is bad. Freaking. Ass.
Jumbo Cactaur's Hair and Mustache, Final Fantasy VIII
Yes, yes, Cacti aren't flowers, they're plants that can GROW flowers. Well, ostensibly what are his mustache and hair made out of? That's right: those are his flowers.

The fact that there's a flower in video games that exists solely as facial hair for one of the greatest, shining examples that Japanese people put two hits of acid in their coffee every morning is amazing.

Check out this picture of him with his ridiculously awesome mustache-flower in a picture that points out the fact that he is in fact making pedobear's running stance by clicking here .

Oh and check out this fever dream of a video (attached) that confirms every suspicion you ever had that when game designers get bored, they take shrooms and go out into the desert.

Jumbo Cactaur HIMSELF is an optional boss in Final Fantasy VIII that you'll see in the video. Why fight him? Well, either to level up or simply because he's there. He faces some of the mightiest warriors on Earth by essentially doing Peter Griffin's "Bird Is The Word" dance. Bad. Ass.
Flaahgra, Metroid Prime
In a level of Metroid Prime, Samus (our female main character whose job it is to beat the ever loving crap out of this flower using her awesome blasties) faces a gross, weird, plant that taints an entire section of Metroid Prime called the Chozo Ruins. This flower was mutated by Phazon on the planet's surface and then becomes a plant that controls and spews poison everywhere.

The thing you have to kill is in the middle... in the flower. Which makes Flaahgra's flower one of the most badass in video games.

Also, for some reason, this plant was made with vocal chords so that it can express pain; which you hear often in its heart-wrenching squeal every time you hit it. Eerie, kind of messed up and completely awesome.
Petey Piranha and Piranha Plants, Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Petey Piranha, and piranha plants in general are arguably some of the most badass fictional plants in history PERIOD.

Petey's the ultimate step in evolution of the Piranha Plant, a race of plants with pretty pedals, polkadot skin and a zombie-like starvation for the flesh of anything that comes near it.

Piranha plants in general have always jumped out of pipes while we're trying to jump over them, or they rhythmically jump out of water, making our life a living hell by creating sometimes insurmountable obstacles that lead us into using our timing-skills to get past them. Either way they're a pain in the ass and they have one thing on most other plants or antagonists that makes them just so effing badass:

Unless we have some kind of projectile weapon handy, this is one of the few antagonists in all of video games that's better to just RUN from and not confront.

For piranha plants in general, if you're not super powered, they can kill you with only one touch.

Petey, on the other hand, has legs and ridiculously strong arms which he uses to kick some serious ass.

Check out the Petey Piranha boss battle in this game of Super Smash Bros. The most badass part of the whole thing? When he slams the cages together as hard as he can to get Kirby's attention.

Brutal.

Honorable mention to the fire flower.

And for skilled botanists debating the "flowerness" of these bad boys, in Super Mario Land, they were called by their Japanese name "Pakkun Flower". C'mon, though, as if the petals didn't totally give them away.
The Bomb Flower, Legend of Zelda Series
The Bomb Flower is so unbelievably badass because it is the exact type of flower that, if possible, we would send to a recent ex on their birthday with a card that reads "Boom".

The Bomb Flower is exactly what it sounds like. It's a flower that effing EXPLODES. That is its sole purpose. It's a flower, that grows and lives solely to be a bob-omb-style explosive that Link then uses throughout his travels to blow up bad guys and essentially save the world. The cool little bombs that were a special treat to lay whenever you could spare one in the original Legend of Zelda haven't let us down through various iterations of the saga and continue to be one of the greatest flowers in games.

Most flowers will have edible fruit, or fruit that is used for survival/procreation purposes... the Bomb Flower's fruit is raw material for BOMBS.

Needless to say, this flower is "The Bomb" and its fruits/sex life are nothing short of explosive (you're welcome).

Here's Link in Ocarina of Time, taking down HUGE enemies using this absolutely awesome flower.
Sunflower: Plants Vs. Zombies
SUNFLOWER:
Smiling, cute, unassuming and the power source for one of the greatest zombie defense teams in games, this adorable sunflower from Plants Vs. Zombies is what gives you "sun" in the popular Tower Defense game. You need sun to buy seeds. These seeds then power other plants and flowers in the game which make up an unstoppable force of plant-baddasses that do everything from explode, freeze and maim, to straight out EAT zombies.

Without these little sunflowers, the zombie apocalypse would overrun our safe, suburban, charming little house. They get eaten in the face of danger, only to sprout more. Much like Hydra, if you kill one, two will take its place (unless you suck at the game).

BADASS POINTS: In the face of imminent danger, being eaten and being part of a zombie apocalypse, what is their reaction while all the other plants in the game look angry, stressed, mean or scared? A smile.

The sunflower in Plants Vs. Zombies powers an entire rebellion to a zombie apocalypse with a f**king SMILE on its face.

Take THAT, flowers with teeth. Sunflower don't NEED teeth. It's got swagger.

Check this video out for a glimpse of the insane amount of zombiepower that the flower takes with a smile. Freaking awesome.

Also, it gives us enough sun to grow this little flower:

CHOMPER:
Yet another venus fly trap clone, this plant devours ANY zombies that come near it.

That's right, when humans won't turn the tables on zombies, these flowers in Plants Vs. Zombies are there to not only protect mankind, but to eat their enemies.
Plant 42: Resident Evil
Plant 42, the insanely large plant with tentacle-like vines (or is it vine-like tentacles) from the Resident Evil series which captures Chris Redfield in what is one of the funniest and most pathetic examples of in-game dialogue ever written in games, is undeniably among the most badass of flowers in games.

Please do yourself a favor, though, and watch this video, wait til the end to hear Rebecca (who is clearly a little mentally challenged) give Chris (who his being held by a man-eating, super strong and insanely hungry zombie-plant/flower thing while receiving little to no help from Rebecca and sacrificing himself so she can have a vile of something) some really, really good advice that will probably save his life.

Plant 42 (oh, will Hitchhiker's Guide references never grow old?... no, they wont) was infected with the T-Virus (the virus that gave all the zombies their zombie-disease in the Resident Evil franchise. It was part of an experiment of the Umbrella corporation (the science company that is all about "'coulda', not 'shoulda'" - P. Oswalt) on botanical plants. Because when you have a deadly virus, that's exactly where you go with it: plants.

Its roots are firmly in place throughout the entire building in this game and its enormous, flower-like nucleus are what gives it away as a reproductive organ of a plant. Cause it has squishy parts.

Why is this flower so badass? Well, other than all that was already said: it's essentially a Giant Squid. So there.
Poison Ivy & Friends: Batman Arkham Asylum
We can't seem to get away from angry, powerful flowers in video games. Poison Ivy's level in what is arguably the best superhero game of all time Batman Arkham Asylum is absolutely insane. Sure, she has levels in some other Batman games, but the intro to the one in Arkham Asylum made us all pee a little.

After covering the island with toxic plants, Poison Ivy goes one-on-one with Batman by melding with what is essentially a piranha plant (huge, anthropomorphic venus fly trap) flower that's the size of an elephant. She jumps into its mouth, thus dropping all of ours.

She then becomes one of the craziest, biggest and most insane flowers you'll ever have to fight in a game. The fact that in a game where you're BATMAN a flower is made THIS intimidating, makes it one of the most badass flowers in the history of games.


If she'd done this in Schumacher's Batman & Robin, at least we'd have some GREAT puppet work to watch when that comes on TNT on a Sunday mid-morning.

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The 13 Greatest Cats in Video Game History

December 13, 2013, 9:17 pm

≫ Next: The Best Classic Arcade Games

≪ Previous: The 8 Most Badass Flowers in Video Games

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Kitties! Here is this list of the greatest cats, cat women and even cat men in video games. Be sure to also check out Top 5 Gaming: Cats! over on Metacafe. I have no idea why I wrote the following list. I think the event involved a lot of booze, some sort of hallucinogen, and a possibly a misdemeanor. I'm not really sure as I can't remember much of the last week. This is probably just an excuse to put the Cheetahmen onto a list. Anyway, enjoy it while I go get myself a lawyer.

Check out more lists like Luxury Goods Sites, List of Deaths Through Alcohol, Famous People Who Died in Plane Crashes, Jared Leto Tattoos and Kelly Osbourne Tattoos
http://www.ranker.com/list/the-13-greatest-cats-in-video-game-history/adamthomas,

Ratchet ( Ratchet and Clank)
OK, the only reason Ratchet is this low is that technically he's an alien.

He's a VERY Bobcat like alien called a "Lombax". While "Lombax" sound like it belongs in a Dr. Seuss story about the racist fears of your parents (Guess Which Lombax is coming to Dinner?), he's actually pretty capable. Ratchet has a degree in in f*ture engineering, wields some pretty nasty weapons and hangs around with his little robot buddy while saving the universe.

Sure, Ratchet started out as a fairly annoying, whiny, Furtard in the original game, but by the sequel, Going Commando , he actually turned into a character that could be easily liked, and seemed very competent. I think he developed into a pretty cool guy. eh kills aleins and doesnt afraid of anything...

So while it was Captain Quark or Clank who usually stole the show as the series progressed, it was Ratchet we played as the most, and who often had the best guns.

For being the straight-man to so many great jokes, appearing in some very polished and fun little games, and being the hero to so many a planet . . . Ratchet, we salute thee!

Now get yourself on dancing with stars man! With those moves you'll be famous!
Black Cat (Spider-Man 2/Web of Shadows)
I REALLY wanted to put Catwoman on this list. The one from the DC universe. Like seriously. Because it was she that pretty much got me on this whole mental tangent.

But you see there's a pretty big problem: Catwoman has yet to make a decent video game appearance. I mean, her big starring role in her own game was the Halle Berry Catwoman movie tie-in.

Not so hot there.

"But what about Mortal Combat Versus the DC Universe?" you might ask . . .

To which I would reply," BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA . . . HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HeheheheheheheeheeheeheehahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! . . . ooh wait, you were serious?! "

I guess that's a step in the right direction, but it's still a long way from "good". Sure, her upcoming appearance in Arkham Asylum 2 might end up changing the notion, but for now, if you want to see a decent cat burglar based off of a comic book character wearing black leather, you're going to have to settle for Black Cat.

Though, I hardly think going for Black Cat would be considered settling, if you're anyone BUT Spider-Man, who seems knee-deep in Super-Models with daddy issues about three times a year.

Felicia Hardy is the actual name of the girl in the black leather using grappling hooks and thw world's most dangerous press-on nails, but wait . . . Felicia? Really? Methinks, Marvel may have a lawsuit with Capcom, or at least would if they weren't so busy partnering up for crossover games that make them both tons of money. Hmm, maybe it's an homage from Capcom?

Anyway, she's a Catwoman knock-off, and for a time even had cool bad luck powers, not to mention she's pretty much the only reason to play Spider-Man Web of Shadows and is a big reason to play Spider-Man 2: The Movie: The Game (yes that's it's actual title, so now you know where I Wanna Be the Guy got it from). Her sub-plot in Spidey 2 was actually based off of early drafts of the script of the movie and it turns into a very entertaining storyline for the game. In fact it's a shame they cut her from the film, it would have been nice to see her make an appearance on the silver screen.

As for Web of Shadows, (featured in the attached video) she's pretty damn awesome. She's the first major boss battle and is featured heavily throughout the rest of the game . . . if you choose to hang with her at her tower. You eventually have to fight her again, when she's a new symbiote version of herself, and at least two of the game's four endings are determined by your choices regarding Peter Parker's feelings for his feline flame.

Plus she's played by Tricia Helfer! Otherwise known as Caprica Six from BSG! Otherwise known as the only woman actually hot enough to play Black Cat in any f*ture film that will feature her!

So maybe it's good she wasn't used in Spider-Man 2 after all. Maybe now we can see Ms. Helfer don the fringed leather and domino mask and . . .

*falls into purring trance over the mental image*
Cait Sith (Final Fantasy Series)
First off, I was going to originally put Red XII on the list.


Because I mean, look at him!

Sure, while his body screams wolf, his face always seemed to me, way more cat-like, and he's a made-up creature anyway. Plus his tail is on fire and he talks, both facts that make him awesome. But then a friend of mine was all," Naw Bro. He's a dog yo." And then I was like "Really?" and then he was like "Yeah." and then I looked it up, and I hate the internet for proving him right.

CURSE YOU!!!!!!

So I had to think of something else really fast, and then get back to drinking and writing. Two activities which do mix together very well . . . unless you are driving as well. Then LOOK OUT FOR THAT TREE!

Anyway, if there's another Cat worth a damn in Final Fantasy, it's probably Cait Sith.

"But he's not a cat! He's a dude dressed in a cat suit riding a robot moogle!"

Correction. He's a dude remotely controlling a PUPPET of a cat riding a robot Moogle. But . . . even for a game featuring a race of Tiger-wolves that are allergic to soft potion, this seems pretty ridiculous to me. I think it's all a clever diversion of Cat Sith, aka Cat Sidhe, the Celtic fairy cat he actually is.

Why?

Well it would explain his appearance in Final Fantasy 6 as the summon Stray.

It would also explain his magical f**king ability to damage you with the result of dice rolls. As well as explain his Scottish accent in both Advent Children and Dirge of Cerberus. Also it works equally as well to explain the time he goes and sacrifices himself in FF7, I mean as a cat-ghost-god he'd have at the least those nine lives right?

OK, so that might be just as ridiculous as the given story for Cait Sith, but as the game series' foremost representation of cats it might have to do.

Also, look at the cute little cape he's wearing! And that crown! Adorable!
Snowflake (Dead Rising 2)
I think it's time for a REAL cat to get on here. But which one . . . *processing*

*ding!*

OK yeah, Snowflake wins.

In the recent Dead Rising 2, you found yourself controlling Chuck Greene as Las Ve- I mean Fortune City was destroyed by a zombie outbreak. Fortune City has all of the entertainments one would expect of a gambler's paradise, including rock bands, lounge singers, 24-hour chapels, and even Magicians! Of course, where there are flamboyant magicians, there are bound to be tigers! Snowflake is just such a tiger.

You meet Snowflake after his handler Ted knocks Chuck out and attempts to feed the rampaging motocross star to the ravenous animal, since all of the Zombie's meat "isn't fresh". Though Mr. Greene tries to reason with Ted, it's to no avail, and soon enough you've got an armed semi-retarded animal handler, a 600-pound wild animal, and still a s**t-ton of Zombies all gunning for your delicious meats at the same time.

It's a pretty awesome boss battle. But it get's a little bit better.

You see, if you've been paying attention, you realize that Snowflake isn't really all that interested in killing you, the poor baby's just hungwy. So, look around some nearby kitchens for some food and feed it to him, and soon enough he's purring at your side.

That's right, Snowflake will then proceed to wander around with you as your companion. And it. Is. Amazing.

Getting drunk and raining death around Fortune city with your motherf**king tiger is pretty much too cool for words. Which is why when I was playing this game I often ended up resorting to audible nonsense: I was enraptured in awesome levels too high for most normal men.

Oh, and you can even give Snowflake to Chuck's Daughter as a present. Sooooo cute!

Irresponsible as all hell considering she's like 10, and yet another strong indicator that the universe wants Katie Greene dead, but cute nonetheless.
Evil The Cat (Earthworm Jim)
Why did I not put Evil the cat at number six? It's a bit too obvious really.

Ruler of the planet Heck, which in no way resembles hell for legal reasons, Evil the Cat is the purrrfect example of how to make a cat a villain while still retaining their cattiness.

The level he appears in is pretty damn annoying, and you have to navigate a bunch of crap to reach this bitched. Then, when you do, he cheats! He takes away your super suit, leaving you as a Worm who can only jump around like a pogo stick, while he fires flaming hairballs at you from a secure location. If this boss battle wasn't so damn easy (seriously, you just jump the fire) I'd call shenanigans on this darn cat.

Once you dodge all his fire, it destroys his platform and you again get access to Jim's super suit. Then you proceed to completely work your way through Evil's nine lives while he tries to jump you from off-screen.

Such a petty, nasty, cheating boss.

But even with all his lives gone, Evil the Cat continues to show up. He pesters you in Earthworm Jim 2, and had a very memorable turn on the old Earthworm Jim cartoon show.

But really it's his side-stepping, flanking, backstabbing, pouncing methods that get Evil here. Because that's exactly how a cat fights damn it!

Also, his hairball are made of fire. That's got to be worth something.
Leo (Red Earth)
OK probably no one reading this list knows who the hell this is. Nor do I think many of you have even heard of this game, but seriously, just watch the video and understand. Especially once you realize that in the first stage, this guys cuts a dragon . . . IN HALF.

Leo from Red Earth is Conan the Motherf**king Barbarian if his mom was Egyptian Goddess Bast, and his dad was Mike Haggar.

Leo is a beast of a fighter, a king, and cursed into a form that just makes him even more awesome. He fights for justice, wielding only a sword, hefting only a buckler, and wearing only a loincloth. He needs little else.

He would eat Lion-O from Thundercats for breakfast, and then bang Cheetara just so the rest of the Thunderan population would have his race of God-King-cats to remember him by. If he met, the Na'vi, he'd conquer them outside a week. If he came to our world, I'm pretty sure he would only seek out women who could kill cyborgs, and then make them fall in desperate love with him.


Which, as this picture proves, he did in the 80's.

But of course, he comes from an unknown game that was pretty much ignored by the world's population, and only made another brief appearance in SVC Chaos a few years later. We're probably never going to see Leo again.

I don't think he cares though, the man's got a kingdom to run and ogres to slay.

Also, probably a badass ball of razor-yarn to play with in his off time.

What? He's still a cat.
Katt Monroe (Starfox 64)
So you're playing through Starfox 64, and you aren't a total newbie, so you followed Falco on Corneria and decimated the armada at Sector Y. This means that after you deal with the clam-bake on Aquas, you'll end up in Zoness and . . .

Wait! What's that?

Theme music? What the hell . . .

But it's so catchy! Do do do doo, dah duh dah doo, bah bum buh boo! Do do do doo, dah duh dah doo, bah bum buh boo! Duuuhhhn-uh!

Yeah, that's Katt Monroe's frigging theme music! Oh, and she's actually pretty useful for a guest pilot in a game! If you get through to Sector Z, she takes out one of those blasted missiles pretty much by herself, and if you end up on Macbeth, she actually flips a bunch of those stupid switches you need to hit to kill the boss faster than Speedy Gonzales hopped up on meth-cheese.

At the very least, she's a billion times better than Bill Grey, that bulldog you meet on Katina. That mofo's impossible to please, he's all;

"Nice going, Fox. . . . " *in a tone filled with implied arrogance over your inability to f**king know the difference between his squadron's ships and the enemies in the level who look EXACTLY THE SAME from any decent range!*

Yeah F**k you too Bill! Last time I go to your planet and save your ass from invading flying saucers!

I'll stick with Katt thank you very much. Besides, how many space-cats are there that can fly starships?



Umm. OK, But how many ALSO have theme music when they enter to save the day?

...

That's what I thought.
Felicia (Darkstalkers)
Felicia is the definitive Cat-Woman in videogames. You think "Cat" and you think "Woman" and stick them in a context of "video game" and BOOM! Felicia comes up. If it's an image search, probably there's some hentai in there. If it's on Youtube, you're bound to see way too many "tribute" video featuring the Darkstalker's tail section. Probably none of it will feature hairballs.

Also available on youtube when combined with Felicia? AMVs, like this . And hilarious examples of why the US should never, ever, ever, attempt to outdo Japanese animation with a Japanese franchise like Darkstalkers, as seen here .

So Felicia's obviously pretty popular if she became the main character in a terrible spin-off cartoon that had absolutely no budget for writers or animators. But who is she really?

Well, she's from the Darkstalkers (or is it Vampire?) fighting game series. She was raised in an orphanage, and she's a catgirl who wants to become famous. Yup, that's it. No terribly deep back story filled with pathos and inner turmoil and a reason to fight off every demon she encounters whatsoever. She's pretty much just eye candy without much depth. So why is she so damn popular? Even so much as appearing in the soon to be epic Marvel VS Capcom 3?

She's a furry fanboy's wet dream!

Combining all of the sexuality of a spunky, precocious woman, and . . . cat. OK, maybe there actually isn't ENOUGH fur on her for those guys and gals who prefer such things, I think? I mean it's really hard to tell. Is Felicia a litmus test of sorts? If she turns you on, are you normal, or totally going to Cleveland in a fuzzy body suit next year?


Even if said body suit wouldn't exactly be all that bad . . .

Plus, is Felicia even a real "catwoman"? I mean sure, she's described as such, and looks the part, but is that even a real thing?

The Dark Stalkers/Vampire Hunter/Night Warrior series (seriously, they need to settle on a name), is full of various monsters and myths that generally have some resemblance to CLASSIC myths and monsters. There's a mummy, a werewolf, a Frankenstein-like golem, a cursed suit of armor, a zombie, a succubus, and a vampire. All of these are classics and instantly recognizable, or at least fit into the context, and a huge chunk of them are basically Universal Monsters direct off the studio tour.

But a Cat person? Sure it's big in Japan (what isn't?) but it really doesn't have the same history or pedigree as anything else in the first game. I often wonder if Felicia isn't actually a completely crazy fangirl dressing up as a monster in order to get attention. That explanation would fit into her back story (if not her movelist), just as well as the nebulous "she's a cat girl!" explanation she actually has.

Plus that explanation would make her a lot more like Catwoman, but WAY more crazy. But hell, I'd prefer Felicia as our standard of Crazy Cat lady to this one:


Cougars! (Red Dead Redemption)
So, let's see, we've had cat-people characters from fighting games, a couple of bosses, a main character in the form of Ratchet, some side characters, and at least one character whose status as a cat is in question . . . what are we missing?

How about a regular enemy entry? Well I can think of none better than those damn cougars from Red Dead Redemption!

Just watch the attached video, I think it pretty much makes my point for me.

Or if you don't have the time or are afraid of video clips or something after being rick rolled one to many times, let me put it this way; the Cougars in RDR are f**king bastards.

Usually they appear out of the mists of time itself, or at least seem to, since by the time you manage to spot them, they're charging you at apparently 3000 miles and hour, and yeah, your horse is now dead.

Better catch them on their circling attack or pretty soon it's a claw to the jugular vein. Time to turn on that dead eye! And whew that was close!

God, I hope there's never a day when these assholes come back as undead beasts of fury, that require a direct headshot to put down! Have you seen how fast they move? A direct headshot would be a hassle, even in Dead Eye!

Yup thank the lord for small favors . . .



OH DEAR LORD WHY?!
Koban Cat and his Ninja Cat Army (The Legend of the Mystical Ninja)
The Mystical Ninja Series, and especially the first game in it, is filled to the fricking brim with cats.

There's are lucky cat item pick-ups, Lucky Cats in the backgrounds, and a summonable Tiger mount that simply wrecks things when you pull it out of Goemon's pocket just to name a few.

But If I have to go with one cat from this game, I think I'll go with Koban . . . and his NINJA CAT ARMY!

Charged with protecting Japan from its wackiest threats, like a troupe of evil mimes that live near Octopus island, or plate spinning ghosts, I'll bet the cat army was doing pretty good for itself. Until a new threat arrived, that figured out how to stop them - by keeping them as cats!

It seems the Cat Army was mostly effective because they were shapeshifters, and the evil Otafu Army decided that in order to kidnap princess Yuki, they had to disable this ability of theirs. And well, they were right, since it's pretty easy to tie up a cute widdle kitty, but not so much if it can go Altered Beast on your ass.

Which is why Edo period stoner Goemon/Kid Ying (seriously, why do you think he keeps that pipe?), has to team up with his pudgy pal Ebisumaru/Dr. Yang, and traipse around Japan and save all the kittens . . . and a princess or something.

So yeah, these guys have to be pretty ineffectual, otherwise this game never even gets off the ground . . but just think about it: A deadly army of shapeshifting Cat Ninjas! That would be pretty unstoppable. It's a good thing they're on our side, at least until we run out of tuna . . . then we're screwed.

So yeah, more awesome in theory than in practice, but hey, still awesome.

The Best Classic Arcade Games

January 21, 2014, 6:27 pm

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The best classic arcade games include not only the big, big, BEEG cabinet coin-op arcade games from the crazy 80s, but also many of the best video games of all time. Now played on tiny portable handheld consoles or popular home consoles with wireless controllers and Internet compatibility, modern video games evolved from these classic favorites.

These are the games that many of us remember pumping quarters into as a child as we vowed to beat that high score in the likes of Frogger or Ms. Pac-Man or sought to reach the final castle in Super Mario Bros.

Many of the classic games here left such a lasting impression from their time in the giant arcade versions that they were later released on smaller platforms like the original Nintendo Entertainment System or remade decades later for platforms like the Nintendo Wii.

Similarly, with titles like Paperboy and Donkey Kong, many of the titles spawned sequels or full series of games. Though a far cry from today's games with 3D graphics and graphic violence, these classic games remind us of a simpler time when titles like Pong or Asteroids were enough to entertain us for a few hours. Ah, the good old days!
List Inspired by bri's 1970s Arcade Videogames list.
http://www.ranker.com/crowdranked-list/the-best-classic-arcade-games,

Asteroids

Frogger

Galaga

Mario Bros.

Ms. Pac-Man

Pac-Man

Space Invaders

Donkey Kong

Tetris

Centipede

Top Mega Man X Bosses

January 20, 2014, 5:51 am

≫ Next: Video Games That Should Be Movies

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In honor of it's 20th birthday, Gamesided.com wants our readers to rank the villains from the popular SNES game. From Vile to Flam Mammoth, which boss did you find the best in terms of weapon, difficulty and look?
http://www.ranker.com/list/top-mega-man-x-villains/gamesided,

Flame Mammoth
Weapon: Fire Wave
Weakness: Storm Torpedo
Spark Mandrill
Weapon: Electric Spark
Weakness: Shotgun Ice
Launch Octopus
Weapon: Homing Torpedo
Weakness: Rolling Shield
Armored Armadillo
Weapon: Rolling Shield
Weakness: Electric Spark
Boomer Kuwanager
Weapon: Boomerang Cutter
Weakness: Homing Torpedo
Vile
Weapon: Ride Armor
Storm Eagle
Weapon: Storm Tornado
Weakness: Chameleon Sting
Sting Chameleon
Weapon: Chameleon Sting
Weakness: Boomerang Cutter
Chill Penguin
Weapon: Shotgun Ice
Weakness: Fire Wave

Video Games That Should Be Movies

January 22, 2014, 5:01 pm

≫ Next: The 13 Greatest Cats in Video Game History

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What video games should be movies? Several of the most well known and popular video games of all time could easily be made into potentially excellent feature films. This list includes several of the biggest and best video games ever: Assassin's Creed, BioShock and some of the Zelda and Grand Theft Auto games as well. Vote for the games you think would make the best movies, vote down any that you don't think would work and of course, add any that might be missing. You can also rerank this list in any order you want.

Adapting a great video game into a movie is a risky proposition. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it just doesn't. You can't blame Hollywood for trying though, because the video gaming industry is a billion dollar business. Combine that with a hit feature film, and you've got tens of billions in potential profit. Examples? How about 1995's 'Mortal Kombat' or the 'Lara Croft Tomb Raider' series? And of course, the 'Resident Evil' movies have done quite well at the box office too.

Which current video games should be made, immediately, into a movie? Some of the best include 'Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic' and 'Batman: Arkham Asylum.' Here's a great fancast for 'Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic' as an example. The main requirement to make a successful video game to movie adaptation? You need the most compelling video game storylines. Start with the basics, and go from there - you can't lose!
http://www.ranker.com/crowdranked-list/video-games-that-should-be-movies, film, films, video games, games, movies, Game Consoles, Nintendo, PlayStation, XBox,

Assassin's Creed

BioShock

Gears of War

God of War

Mass Effect

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

Uncharted: Drake's Fortune

World of Warcraft

Half-Life

Batman: Arkham Asylum

The 13 Greatest Cats in Video Game History

January 29, 2014, 5:42 pm

≫ Next: List of Games With Girls in the Lead

≪ Previous: Video Games That Should Be Movies

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Kitties! Here is this list of the greatest cats, cat women and even cat men in video games. Be sure to also check out Top 5 Gaming: Cats! over on Metacafe. I have no idea why I wrote the following list. I think the event involved a lot of booze, some sort of hallucinogen, and a possibly a misdemeanor. I'm not really sure as I can't remember much of the last week. This is probably just an excuse to put the Cheetahmen onto a list. Anyway, enjoy it while I go get myself a lawyer.

What are the greatest cats in video games? This list should answer that question.

Check out more lists like Luxury Goods Sites, List of Deaths Through Alcohol, Famous People Who Died in Plane Crashes, Jared Leto Tattoos and Kelly Osbourne Tattoos
http://www.ranker.com/list/the-13-greatest-cats-in-video-game-history/adamthomas, animals, videos, geeky, video games, games, Nintendo, PlayStation, XBox, Retro, video game characters,

Ratchet ( Ratchet and Clank)
OK, the only reason Ratchet is this low is that technically he's an alien.

He's a VERY Bobcat like alien called a "Lombax". While "Lombax" sound like it belongs in a Dr. Seuss story about the racist fears of your parents (Guess Which Lombax is coming to Dinner?), he's actually pretty capable. Ratchet has a degree in in f*ture engineering, wields some pretty nasty weapons and hangs around with his little robot buddy while saving the universe.

Sure, Ratchet started out as a fairly annoying, whiny, Furtard in the original game, but by the sequel, Going Commando , he actually turned into a character that could be easily liked, and seemed very competent. I think he developed into a pretty cool guy. eh kills aleins and doesnt afraid of anything...

So while it was Captain Quark or Clank who usually stole the show as the series progressed, it was Ratchet we played as the most, and who often had the best guns.

For being the straight-man to so many great jokes, appearing in some very polished and fun little games, and being the hero to so many a planet . . . Ratchet, we salute thee!

Now get yourself on dancing with stars man! With those moves you'll be famous!
Black Cat (Spider-Man 2/Web of Shadows)
I REALLY wanted to put Catwoman on this list. The one from the DC universe. Like seriously. Because it was she that pretty much got me on this whole mental tangent.

But you see there's a pretty big problem: Catwoman has yet to make a decent video game appearance. I mean, her big starring role in her own game was the Halle Berry Catwoman movie tie-in.

Not so hot there.

"But what about Mortal Combat Versus the DC Universe?" you might ask . . .

To which I would reply," BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA . . . HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HeheheheheheheeheeheeheehahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! . . . ooh wait, you were serious?! "

I guess that's a step in the right direction, but it's still a long way from "good". Sure, her upcoming appearance in Arkham Asylum 2 might end up changing the notion, but for now, if you want to see a decent cat burglar based off of a comic book character wearing black leather, you're going to have to settle for Black Cat.

Though, I hardly think going for Black Cat would be considered settling, if you're anyone BUT Spider-Man, who seems knee-deep in Super-Models with daddy issues about three times a year.

Felicia Hardy is the actual name of the girl in the black leather using grappling hooks and thw world's most dangerous press-on nails, but wait . . . Felicia? Really? Methinks, Marvel may have a lawsuit with Capcom, or at least would if they weren't so busy partnering up for crossover games that make them both tons of money. Hmm, maybe it's an homage from Capcom?

Anyway, she's a Catwoman knock-off, and for a time even had cool bad luck powers, not to mention she's pretty much the only reason to play Spider-Man Web of Shadows and is a big reason to play Spider-Man 2: The Movie: The Game (yes that's it's actual title, so now you know where I Wanna Be the Guy got it from). Her sub-plot in Spidey 2 was actually based off of early drafts of the script of the movie and it turns into a very entertaining storyline for the game. In fact it's a shame they cut her from the film, it would have been nice to see her make an appearance on the silver screen.

As for Web of Shadows, (featured in the attached video) she's pretty damn awesome. She's the first major boss battle and is featured heavily throughout the rest of the game . . . if you choose to hang with her at her tower. You eventually have to fight her again, when she's a new symbiote version of herself, and at least two of the game's four endings are determined by your choices regarding Peter Parker's feelings for his feline flame.

Plus she's played by Tricia Helfer! Otherwise known as Caprica Six from BSG! Otherwise known as the only woman actually hot enough to play Black Cat in any f*ture film that will feature her!

So maybe it's good she wasn't used in Spider-Man 2 after all. Maybe now we can see Ms. Helfer don the fringed leather and domino mask and . . .

*falls into purring trance over the mental image*
Cait Sith (Final Fantasy Series)
First off, I was going to originally put Red XII on the list.


Because I mean, look at him!

Sure, while his body screams wolf, his face always seemed to me, way more cat-like, and he's a made-up creature anyway. Plus his tail is on fire and he talks, both facts that make him awesome. But then a friend of mine was all," Naw Bro. He's a dog yo." And then I was like "Really?" and then he was like "Yeah." and then I looked it up, and I hate the internet for proving him right.

CURSE YOU!!!!!!

So I had to think of something else really fast, and then get back to drinking and writing. Two activities which do mix together very well . . . unless you are driving as well. Then LOOK OUT FOR THAT TREE!

Anyway, if there's another Cat worth a damn in Final Fantasy, it's probably Cait Sith.

"But he's not a cat! He's a dude dressed in a cat suit riding a robot moogle!"

Correction. He's a dude remotely controlling a PUPPET of a cat riding a robot Moogle. But . . . even for a game featuring a race of Tiger-wolves that are allergic to soft potion, this seems pretty ridiculous to me. I think it's all a clever diversion of Cat Sith, aka Cat Sidhe, the Celtic fairy cat he actually is.

Why?

Well it would explain his appearance in Final Fantasy 6 as the summon Stray.

It would also explain his magical f**king ability to damage you with the result of dice rolls. As well as explain his Scottish accent in both Advent Children and Dirge of Cerberus. Also it works equally as well to explain the time he goes and sacrifices himself in FF7, I mean as a cat-ghost-god he'd have at the least those nine lives right?

OK, so that might be just as ridiculous as the given story for Cait Sith, but as the game series' foremost representation of cats it might have to do.

Also, look at the cute little cape he's wearing! And that crown! Adorable!
Snowflake (Dead Rising 2)
I think it's time for a REAL cat to get on here. But which one . . . *processing*

*ding!*

OK yeah, Snowflake wins.

In the recent Dead Rising 2, you found yourself controlling Chuck Greene as Las Ve- I mean Fortune City was destroyed by a zombie outbreak. Fortune City has all of the entertainments one would expect of a gambler's paradise, including rock bands, lounge singers, 24-hour chapels, and even Magicians! Of course, where there are flamboyant magicians, there are bound to be tigers! Snowflake is just such a tiger.

You meet Snowflake after his handler Ted knocks Chuck out and attempts to feed the rampaging motocross star to the ravenous animal, since all of the Zombie's meat "isn't fresh". Though Mr. Greene tries to reason with Ted, it's to no avail, and soon enough you've got an armed semi-retarded animal handler, a 600-pound wild animal, and still a s**t-ton of Zombies all gunning for your delicious meats at the same time.

It's a pretty awesome boss battle. But it get's a little bit better.

You see, if you've been paying attention, you realize that Snowflake isn't really all that interested in killing you, the poor baby's just hungwy. So, look around some nearby kitchens for some food and feed it to him, and soon enough he's purring at your side.

That's right, Snowflake will then proceed to wander around with you as your companion. And it. Is. Amazing.

Getting drunk and raining death around Fortune city with your motherf**king tiger is pretty much too cool for words. Which is why when I was playing this game I often ended up resorting to audible nonsense: I was enraptured in awesome levels too high for most normal men.

Oh, and you can even give Snowflake to Chuck's Daughter as a present. Sooooo cute!

Irresponsible as all hell considering she's like 10, and yet another strong indicator that the universe wants Katie Greene dead, but cute nonetheless.
Evil The Cat (Earthworm Jim)
Why did I not put Evil the cat at number six? It's a bit too obvious really.

Ruler of the planet Heck, which in no way resembles hell for legal reasons, Evil the Cat is the purrrfect example of how to make a cat a villain while still retaining their cattiness.

The level he appears in is pretty damn annoying, and you have to navigate a bunch of crap to reach this bitched. Then, when you do, he cheats! He takes away your super suit, leaving you as a Worm who can only jump around like a pogo stick, while he fires flaming hairballs at you from a secure location. If this boss battle wasn't so damn easy (seriously, you just jump the fire) I'd call shenanigans on this darn cat.

Once you dodge all his fire, it destroys his platform and you again get access to Jim's super suit. Then you proceed to completely work your way through Evil's nine lives while he tries to jump you from off-screen.

Such a petty, nasty, cheating boss.

But even with all his lives gone, Evil the Cat continues to show up. He pesters you in Earthworm Jim 2, and had a very memorable turn on the old Earthworm Jim cartoon show.

But really it's his side-stepping, flanking, backstabbing, pouncing methods that get Evil here. Because that's exactly how a cat fights damn it!

Also, his hairball are made of fire. That's got to be worth something.
Leo (Red Earth)
OK probably no one reading this list knows who the hell this is. Nor do I think many of you have even heard of this game, but seriously, just watch the video and understand. Especially once you realize that in the first stage, this guys cuts a dragon . . . IN HALF.

Leo from Red Earth is Conan the Motherf**king Barbarian if his mom was Egyptian Goddess Bast, and his dad was Mike Haggar.

Leo is a beast of a fighter, a king, and cursed into a form that just makes him even more awesome. He fights for justice, wielding only a sword, hefting only a buckler, and wearing only a loincloth. He needs little else.

He would eat Lion-O from Thundercats for breakfast, and then bang Cheetara just so the rest of the Thunderan population would have his race of God-King-cats to remember him by. If he met, the Na'vi, he'd conquer them outside a week. If he came to our world, I'm pretty sure he would only seek out women who could kill cyborgs, and then make them fall in desperate love with him.


Which, as this picture proves, he did in the 80's.

But of course, he comes from an unknown game that was pretty much ignored by the world's population, and only made another brief appearance in SVC Chaos a few years later. We're probably never going to see Leo again.

I don't think he cares though, the man's got a kingdom to run and ogres to slay.

Also, probably a badass ball of razor-yarn to play with in his off time.

What? He's still a cat.
Katt Monroe (Starfox 64)
So you're playing through Starfox 64, and you aren't a total newbie, so you followed Falco on Corneria and decimated the armada at Sector Y. This means that after you deal with the clam-bake on Aquas, you'll end up in Zoness and . . .

Wait! What's that?

Theme music? What the hell . . .

But it's so catchy! Do do do doo, dah duh dah doo, bah bum buh boo! Do do do doo, dah duh dah doo, bah bum buh boo! Duuuhhhn-uh!

Yeah, that's Katt Monroe's frigging theme music! Oh, and she's actually pretty useful for a guest pilot in a game! If you get through to Sector Z, she takes out one of those blasted missiles pretty much by herself, and if you end up on Macbeth, she actually flips a bunch of those stupid switches you need to hit to kill the boss faster than Speedy Gonzales hopped up on meth-cheese.

At the very least, she's a billion times better than Bill Grey, that bulldog you meet on Katina. That mofo's impossible to please, he's all;

"Nice going, Fox. . . . " *in a tone filled with implied arrogance over your inability to f**king know the difference between his squadron's ships and the enemies in the level who look EXACTLY THE SAME from any decent range!*

Yeah F**k you too Bill! Last time I go to your planet and save your ass from invading flying saucers!

I'll stick with Katt thank you very much. Besides, how many space-cats are there that can fly starships?



Umm. OK, But how many ALSO have theme music when they enter to save the day?

...

That's what I thought.
Felicia (Darkstalkers)
Felicia is the definitive Cat-Woman in videogames. You think "Cat" and you think "Woman" and stick them in a context of "video game" and BOOM! Felicia comes up. If it's an image search, probably there's some hentai in there. If it's on Youtube, you're bound to see way too many "tribute" video featuring the Darkstalker's tail section. Probably none of it will feature hairballs.

Also available on youtube when combined with Felicia? AMVs, like this . And hilarious examples of why the US should never, ever, ever, attempt to outdo Japanese animation with a Japanese franchise like Darkstalkers, as seen here .

So Felicia's obviously pretty popular if she became the main character in a terrible spin-off cartoon that had absolutely no budget for writers or animators. But who is she really?

Well, she's from the Darkstalkers (or is it Vampire?) fighting game series. She was raised in an orphanage, and she's a catgirl who wants to become famous. Yup, that's it. No terribly deep back story filled with pathos and inner turmoil and a reason to fight off every demon she encounters whatsoever. She's pretty much just eye candy without much depth. So why is she so damn popular? Even so much as appearing in the soon to be epic Marvel VS Capcom 3?

She's a furry fanboy's wet dream!

Combining all of the sexuality of a spunky, precocious woman, and . . . cat. OK, maybe there actually isn't ENOUGH fur on her for those guys and gals who prefer such things, I think? I mean it's really hard to tell. Is Felicia a litmus test of sorts? If she turns you on, are you normal, or totally going to Cleveland in a fuzzy body suit next year?


Even if said body suit wouldn't exactly be all that bad . . .

Plus, is Felicia even a real "catwoman"? I mean sure, she's described as such, and looks the part, but is that even a real thing?

The Dark Stalkers/Vampire Hunter/Night Warrior series (seriously, they need to settle on a name), is full of various monsters and myths that generally have some resemblance to CLASSIC myths and monsters. There's a mummy, a werewolf, a Frankenstein-like golem, a cursed suit of armor, a zombie, a succubus, and a vampire. All of these are classics and instantly recognizable, or at least fit into the context, and a huge chunk of them are basically Universal Monsters direct off the studio tour.

But a Cat person? Sure it's big in Japan (what isn't?) but it really doesn't have the same history or pedigree as anything else in the first game. I often wonder if Felicia isn't actually a completely crazy fangirl dressing up as a monster in order to get attention. That explanation would fit into her back story (if not her movelist), just as well as the nebulous "she's a cat girl!" explanation she actually has.

Plus that explanation would make her a lot more like Catwoman, but WAY more crazy. But hell, I'd prefer Felicia as our standard of Crazy Cat lady to this one:


Cougars! (Red Dead Redemption)
So, let's see, we've had cat-people characters from fighting games, a couple of bosses, a main character in the form of Ratchet, some side characters, and at least one character whose status as a cat is in question . . . what are we missing?

How about a regular enemy entry? Well I can think of none better than those damn cougars from Red Dead Redemption!

Just watch the attached video, I think it pretty much makes my point for me.

Or if you don't have the time or are afraid of video clips or something after being rick rolled one to many times, let me put it this way; the Cougars in RDR are f**king bastards.

Usually they appear out of the mists of time itself, or at least seem to, since by the time you manage to spot them, they're charging you at apparently 3000 miles and hour, and yeah, your horse is now dead.

Better catch them on their circling attack or pretty soon it's a claw to the jugular vein. Time to turn on that dead eye! And whew that was close!

God, I hope there's never a day when these assholes come back as undead beasts of fury, that require a direct headshot to put down! Have you seen how fast they move? A direct headshot would be a hassle, even in Dead Eye!

Yup thank the lord for small favors . . .



OH DEAR LORD WHY?!
Koban Cat and his Ninja Cat Army (The Legend of the Mystical Ninja)
The Mystical Ninja Series, and especially the first game in it, is filled to the fricking brim with cats.

There's are lucky cat item pick-ups, Lucky Cats in the backgrounds, and a summonable Tiger mount that simply wrecks things when you pull it out of Goemon's pocket just to name a few.

But If I have to go with one cat from this game, I think I'll go with Koban . . . and his NINJA CAT ARMY!

Charged with protecting Japan from its wackiest threats, like a troupe of evil mimes that live near Octopus island, or plate spinning ghosts, I'll bet the cat army was doing pretty good for itself. Until a new threat arrived, that figured out how to stop them - by keeping them as cats!

It seems the Cat Army was mostly effective because they were shapeshifters, and the evil Otafu Army decided that in order to kidnap princess Yuki, they had to disable this ability of theirs. And well, they were right, since it's pretty easy to tie up a cute widdle kitty, but not so much if it can go Altered Beast on your ass.

Which is why Edo period stoner Goemon/Kid Ying (seriously, why do you think he keeps that pipe?), has to team up with his pudgy pal Ebisumaru/Dr. Yang, and traipse around Japan and save all the kittens . . . and a princess or something.

So yeah, these guys have to be pretty ineffectual, otherwise this game never even gets off the ground . . but just think about it: A deadly army of shapeshifting Cat Ninjas! That would be pretty unstoppable. It's a good thing they're on our side, at least until we run out of tuna . . . then we're screwed.

So yeah, more awesome in theory than in practice, but hey, still awesome.